Loneliness

[famousforwrongreason]

I very recently ended a relationship and I have a lot of sadness and in this strange time of soci isolation and distancing I feel so sad and alone and have too much time to dwell on the way my ex treated me (short version : very deceitful and possie exposure to stds, have written about this on here before )
I don't have any family locally nor any real close friends anymore, the friends I do have are isolating and all of them have partners at home or close family.
It's really highlighted how absolutely alone I am apart from my chdren, they are little and spend half the time with their dad so they're not even a massive enough distraction at the moment.
The recent ex messages most days to see how I am. I keep any exchanges short and I don't enter into dialogue but it's breaking my heart that I've been mugged off by him for two years and this is not the first time I have been in a relationship with a liar.
My self esteem is in tatters.. I've been cheated on before and my ex husband preferred porn to me.
I don't know if I could ever enter in to a relationship ever again. I'm very gullible it seems and very vulnerable to people taking advantage. I know this is because of poor relationship modelling from my childhood and am having therapy to help with this.
I hate to think of never R having a relationship again and would love to model a healthy one to my children but I'm not going there for a long time if ever as am so wounded (and winded!)
I have been very boundaried and reserved with my recent ex but despite my resve and absolute certainty we're over I'm at the point where I'm disappointed when I don't hear from him for a day or two.
We have split up about four times previously and we have always got back together but this time I know its different. He kind of let his mask slip a few times in quick succession and I finally accepted thT he's a big fat liar.
Which is also making me feel very sad.
So I'm waffling now but I just need to offload how I'm feeling

I completely understand your feelings
I moved to a different city to be with my husband, found out he's a liar and a fraud.
It is not your fault you were taken in by this man.
It's hard cutting the contact
Especially when children are involved.

Don't worry about another relationship, when you're feeling stronger and get back to yourself, that will come.

Write a diary about how you're feeling, and look back on it once a month and things will look better and you'll see how far you've come

Be strong

Thank you @alltheprosecco84 I wrote a reply last night but lost it!
I’m sorry to hear you moved, were you able to move back again?
We live in different cities so at least I am unlikely to bump into him!

You should stop all contact with the recent ex. Block him, then it's your decision, your choice, and you won't be waiting to hear from him or likely to get sucked back in.

You say this time is different, but by keeping up contact, you're more likely lengthening the cycle instead of breaking it.

Hi @category12 yes I know you're right. Partly its not quite wanting to cut the chord but realistically we both have a lot of the others' stuff. I want some bits back & have loads of his shit. His job has exploded due to cv19 & ii have a lot on my plate so we just haven't organised anything yet. We live indifferent cities, I would post his but its loads and I kind of want assurance he'll do the same and now just feels a weird time to deal with that. I will definitely be working on keeping myself strong and occupied.
Since the revelations I haveost all respect for him and the love is pretty much gone so just left with sadness and some revulsion which isn't going to propel me back into his arms!