Sex after pregnancy - pls don't touch me

[ItIsAwful]

I've name changed for this. I'm really struggling with sex at the moment. I had a baby boy in November and had an episiotomy. The stitching was done very well and healed fairly well too. Sex however is sightly painful. Almost feels like a sharp burning sensation and I therefore don't really enjoy it. But worse than that is my hatred of being touched. I heard that women can get touched out by their children but I'm not breastfeeding and I don't ever feel that I don't want a cuddle with my baby. My partner, however, I think I could quite easily never have him touch me again, particularly my breasts. I just hate it. I feel violated and I just curl up afterwards for a few minutes to get back my body if that makes sense. I have no idea what has gone wrong. I used to really enjoy sex, I still think about it and have the odd in my head scenario play out. But when it actually comes to it I don't want to be touched. At all. I just want to be left alone. Help, what is going on?

I have had this, never had children though. Specifically breasts too..it's normally been when I've gone off whoever I'm with at the time although I have had it with my current DP and now don't. I think it's also down to having sex when you deep down don't really want to, and it gives you that slightly violated feeling even though you've consented.

I have had this, never had children though. Specifically breasts too..it's normally been when I've gone off whoever I'm with at the time although I have had it with my current DP and now don't. I think it's also down to having sex when you deep down don't really want to, and it gives you that slightly violated feeling even though you've consented.

Yes you're right I don't want to even though I have consented. I just want to be left in peace. Not sure how to tackle this though.

You have to be completely honest with him. Tell him sex is off the table for a few months. Its only been 4-5 months. Although if nothing's improved by your baby's first birthday then it might be time to start getting concerned.

What's the rest of the relationship like?

Do you love your partner? Do you feel loved and supported by him? Does he do his share at home? Are there underlying resentments or issues?

It's not particularly unusual to go off sex when you've had a baby, possibly nature's way of stopping you getting pregnant again too soon. But if there's other stuff going on in the relationship, it's no point in worrying about the sex part.

Don't continue to have contact, it can traumatise you. Explain calmly if you can, and set a review for say a months time. Your baby is only tiny still, things will get better.

You say you feel violated- that sounds like he's touching you when you don't want it. I think the more that happens the less keen you'll be on sex and him. So say 'No' - if you're anything like me and a lot of people, this can be hard to do. If he won't accept a no, or if he does things when you're asleep/unconscious, or when he knows you don't want it, that is rape or sexual assault and please leave/plan to leave. Same goes for if he tries to coerce/manipulate you really.