I've caught my husband watching porn

[Darragh16]

Am I being unreasonable because I'm angry at my husband for watching porn and just having filth on his phone in general! Hes always very secretive with his phone and acts all weird if I ask to borrow it to make a phone call or something. I'm currently sat in my bedroom crying my eyes out. I've really struggling these past 2 years with my mental health. The medication I've been put on has caused me to gain a bit of weight and I just feel unattractive so hence I dont feel like having sex. I understand men have needs, but this has been going on even before that. Hes in WhatsApp groups with his friends and it's just pure filth they send to each other. I'm not happy about it. I've asked him to leave the groups but he says it's only a bit of fun. It's not fun to me. Am I being unreasonable??

Sorry I didnt spell check that last post. Hopefully you get the jist of what I meant

Hi op I won't tolerate porn at all in my relationship. As for them disgusting what's app groups my boyfriend was on then last year and he's deleted him self from them all after he realised how they made me feel . If he did watch pornhub again I would end everything . He would be the one ruining it now me . He knew from day one I didn't like it and agreed to not watch it so he fucks up and that's his problem x

He's not going to stop. So if this is causing you so much distress, leave him.

You need to sit down and explain to him how much you are struggling
If he loves you he will want to make you happy and make things better
Personally I understand your feelings about your husband looking at porn being upsetting but since you are feeling so low he should start supporting you more and stop

But he's not going to stop completely, not matter what she says. Sooner or later he's going to be bored or horny and give in to temptation. You could expect him to gradually reduce it, but to just stop completely is probably asking too much I'm afraid. So she should probably leave him.

@Scott72 it's that kind of attitude that's wrong with the world today. I'm not going to just "leave him" It's not as clear cut as that. There are kids involved. How do you know hes not going to stop. We have a few problems like every other relationship but at the end of the day we love each other and after speaking with him this evening he has told me it will stop.

Couple of things - did you ever explicitly tell him that porn is a dealbreaker for you? If not then i don't think he can be blamed for assuming its OK recreationally, i don't think i know anyone who really cares that muxh about their OH watching porn.

Second, are you getting therapy? You should do, it will help.

Third, be firm with your doctors. Not all antidepressants are created equal, and you can try other types. Fluoxetine fucked with my head, sertraline worked for me for YEARS and then i had a break from it and after that it stopped working so well. Citalopram was great for my mood but killed my sex drive, duloxetine was pretty much perfect. Go to your doctor, tell them the negatives outweigh the positives and ask them to suggest something new. Don't take no for an answer.

OP - the way you talk about your H is as if he is a child and you are his mother.
Why do you feel that you have a right to tell him how he should talk to his friends, or what friends he keeps?
And the fact that you seem to be putting the future of your marriage onto the same scale as some chat he has with his mates - is completely overblown.
And considering you aren’t having sex - maybe those chats give him some outlet for some frustration he must be feeling.

It’s one thing when women talk about their H’s addiction to porn, and how it affects their sex lives as a couple.
Here is something very different. He is not spending hours watching porn. His mates chat in a way you disapprove and you make an issue of that.

I think you are misplacing your general unhappiness and fixate in something that is easy to point out to. Getting divorced and staying on your own in the area you are already not happy to be in - won’t solve anything, and would make you even more unhappy.
You really need to focus on getting better. Changing meds, possibly. Talk therapy. And generally trying to do things that can help make you get a different perspective on life.
You got a house from MIL - many (most) people would feel lucky they could afford a house and not have to be burdened with mortgage. You fixate on decorations.
If you can’t afford to hire people to change the decor - find something you can do as DIY, there are so many things people can do on the cheap.
You gained weight - eat better and exercise...

Hopefully, as you get better yourself, you can stop trying to police his interaction with his friends and start focusing on the relationship