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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Advice please

3 replies

shakiwulub9 · 21/03/2020 07:33

Been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years now. We broke up last summer as, after trying to make things work, he was still incredibly negative and it just wasn't something I could hack. I am a bubbly and outgoing person, he appeared to be the total opposite. He told me he would change, and upon getting back together we did go out more, he was more upbeat and positive in his outlook and things just felt generally good. We are both 24 so still young and (I like to think!) Outgoing and full of life. I feel like his facade is fading as he is slowly but surely going back to his old ways again 😔 He is very negative about anything I/we/he does. He doesn't seem to have any passion or drive for anything. Any comment he makes on anything is always of the negative tone. I've tried telling him about it, I've even tried telling him I will support him if he feels it may be depression or something, but he says there is no problem. What do I do??

He is happy enough to go out with his friends (which I don't have a problem with!) but when we spend time together it feels more like stupid small talk and forced conversation as opposed to genuine natter, laughter and fun.
He tells me I am a priority, his "rock" and his world - but actions speak louder than words. He started a new job in January which is incredibly well paid, and I am truly happy for him and proud of him, but he has even become arrogant and selfish with that.

I posted this a few weeks ago when very supporting users commented that I am too young to be settling, and that I should be living a 24 y/o life and going out, having fun and meeting new people. I have been doing exactly that with my girlfriends, and it has been so much fun! I have met new people and just had a good time letting my hair down. I have had some very lovely guys pay genuine interest in me, and it has opened my eyes... I feel like I am more in love with the idea of my boyfriend, as opposed to the reality of him and our relationship. And I feel mixed emotions about that.

What should I do? Tia x

OP posts:
Cambionome · 21/03/2020 07:49

Sounds like this relationship has just run its course - he is not the one for you.

MrsBobDylan · 21/03/2020 09:02

You don't like the 'real' him and wanted him to change. He is unable to sustain that change (no one can change their fundamental personality).

Break it off and maybe get some counselling to understand why you were first attracted to a man who isn't your type?

Robin233 · 21/03/2020 09:09

I learnt the hard way you can't change anyone.

I've known serious people and upbeat people.

Let him go and find an upbeat man. (My son is available)

Dh is up beat. Always has been always will.

Ex is a good man but more serious.

He was happy with his new partner - also a serous person.

They can happily moan about stuff together.

I think I you know what to do.

(It's not you it's me ) would be the gentle way to let him down.

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