Co-parent pending court child contact corona help?!

[BandB2019]

Living with parents as enduring divorce. Dad suffers heart problems. Husband just an idiot. Court order Sunday each week. Know he's been out and business as usual this week. We've been isolating for all week. The order means I have to make son available. What do I do! Risk!

Are you able to get legal advice on your situation, even informally (e.g. do you know a family friend who is a family lawyer or social worker)?

My instinct would be to refuse access (not answer the door or similar), facilitate FaceTime or similar technology for access, and let the law play out as it does no matter how angry your husband gets with you. I think it unlikely that the law would penalise your parenting decision given the unprecedented global pandemic, I'm not a family law expert though.

How old is your child, and if relevant how do they feel about it?

(Thinking out loud here, another option would be to call 111 and ask for their medial opinion, they might not know though.

I think co-parenting and access can be made to work in the current circumstances if you can sort of self-isolate across two households and do contactless handovers not using public transport, but if your husband has not been self-isolating then having your child back with you after spending time with your husband will indirectly put the "you/your parents/your child" household at risk and mean that your child would need to stay in the "your child/your husband" household to protect your parents, sort of idea, which might not be wise for your son overall (if your court order is only for Sunday access this may be for a reason).)

It’s more that court is in one week. He wants 50% after never putting our child to bed. He’s abusive. We have no trust whatsoever. I can’t trust his words or efforts. Sadly I’m in the legal eye now and wish I fought him on my own! I hate living my life making decisions on what I think the court might perceive versus my own instinct as a good mother who’s left and abusive man.

This is 100% NOT a question for 111 to deal with.

Well if you are isolating there must be a reason for it? The rules are clear. Give him advance notice (would have been better during the week as you could have spoke to a solicitor first). Advise that child is not available for contact but will be as usual at end of isolation. Face time contact will be available (as much as he wants). Speak to your solicitor on Monday morning.

Could he come over every day and chat to kids through a window or garden fence?

I did speak to my solicitor Wednesday. We drafted a letter but I’m in court in two weeks for final hearing and ran the risk of him using it against me for breaching the order etc?

I haven’t sent it. I suspect if I get proof he was not social distancing this last week I could chance it.

7 months fight with two weeks to go. It could throw my case if looks like parental alienation on my part

What would you expect to happen if you emailed him

"I see from FB etc that you haven't practiced social distancing, if DS comes for contact on Sunday he will not be able to return therefore in these extra ordinary circumstances I feel unable to let him come. Could we set up
FaceTime 3/4 times per week as a temporary solution"

I would just say no! Tell him your in isolation end of. It’s serious out there if he doesn’t get it well more fool him... he can look bad when it goes to court.

My ex and I both have shared custody however we only live 5 min walk from each other we have to continue as and I just hope he’s as serious as I am about all this!

We are likely to be in further lockdown in 2 weeks...

How do you know he isn't social distancing etc do you have evidence to include in an email.

Offering FaceTime etc does counteract accusations on parental alienation as would evidence why your family members at at risk etc.

How old is your son? You are wise to consider how he could twist this and therefore how it could be used in court.

PA is being used by abusive men and courts are listening to them.

Can you highlight how your son is also distancing from others...school, friends, other family members so that it doesn't appear personal.

Could you consider ootions such as face time or if he takes your son for a walk and if your son is old enough would he practice measures such keeping a distance.

Could you also post on legal forums as there must be people who have been in court this week so see what approach judges are taking.

Bottom line is you can’t risk contact which could lead to your father’s death. Take a look at what’s going on in Italy. It really is that simple. I don’t think the courts could criticise you for that. The difficulty is the situation is evolving so rapidly so what might have looked like a negligible risk just earlier this week now looks quite serious (especially if you’re in London or one of the other UK hotspots). We’re in London and things are looking very different here to how they looked last weekend. Will your XH impose his view of the situation on you or will he respect your concerns? I.e. can he be trusted to spend time with your DS but remain at a physical distance? Will he practise social distancing with him and for him? If not, try offering to facilitate the contact in some other way for tomorrow and then discuss this with your solicitor again on Monday. If your XH behaves responsibly over the coming weeks you should be able to resume physical contact if your son is able to shuttle safely between the 2 households.

Do not call 111. That is incredibly bad advice - the lines are swamped as it is, dealing with enquiries from people who are genuinely ill.

You have two options - let him go, or tell your Ex that he can't because someone in the household is symptomatic.

Ah OK thanks for correction RE 111 suggestion, that is really not my area at all, was more an idea.

I dont think the court will hold being sensible against you. These are unprecedented times for everyone and you are just protecting your family. Noone can blame you for that. As pp said about offer facetime / phone contact but advise your ex you are all in isolation