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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Facing lockdown WITHOUT your partner

46 replies

Satansgourd · 20/03/2020 22:40

So, the reverse of the threads based on being unhappy and forced to be together...

I work in the travel industry, and we have been put in lockdown at work. No going home, no visiting. It means I won’t get to see dp for ages really. I have the option of taking the unspecified time off unpaid, but could not afford that ‘indefinitely’, so I opt to stay at work.

I’m sure it will be fine, just wondered how many other people are facing separation at this time?

OP posts:

VanGoghsDog · 21/03/2020 14:49

Away from dp but I think it's hitting him harder than me currently.

I have a job (currently, could be terminated!) and I do self employed work. I am now at home but up to and including Monday I was commuting into London.

Dp is retired, a bit older and with a health condition. He has decided to isolate himself which is fair enough, especially as I've been in London. But after only a week he's quite dispondent.

He also gets a bit obsessive about information which is good as he won't listen to rumour but I don't want an hour's phone call with him reeling off stats on how many people have the virus in each area of the UK and him doing maths to extrapolate that to the whole country.

Whereas my workload is currently massive (I've had an hour on a client call this morning, need to do a doc that will take an hour and have a conference call with their Board tomorrow as well - COVID19 has increased my workload for now). So I am not bored. And I wouldn't really have gone out much anyway.
He keeps asking me what I've been doing - well, work!

He has started a PowerPoint pack of photos of things we have done together in the past which is nice. Tonight we are going to watch our favourite TV show at the sane time, with a video call open and have a glass of wine.

I do miss him but I've never been someone who suffers from loneliness or boredom so I don't quite get what his problem is (I mean, I do, but my experience is just different).

VanGoghsDog · 21/03/2020 14:55

There are some really heartbreaking situations made far worse by this virus. Difficult times.

LittleChoCho · 21/03/2020 15:53

@StillDumDeDumming Is there a phone on the ward that you could call him on, if the nurses are willing to hold the handset for a few mins? I'm sure it would help him to hear your voice even if he is unable to have a full conversation. I've been able to do that twice so far - the amazing, overworked staff are so kind to facilitate it.

hellodinasour · 21/03/2020 16:01

Me too 😭 my partner had to go yesterday don't know how long this will be but I'm feeling pretty empty already x

Arrakis · 21/03/2020 16:31

Not quite the same, but I told my partner the other day that at least while he was still working we should probably not see each other, and he lives in the city and I live in the country. I'm high risk, sigh. Anyway, he was furious with me and we haven't spoken since apart from some angry messages from him. So, I guess we are done. I guess that doesn't quite count. Sorry, wrong thread really.

StillDumDeDumming · 21/03/2020 17:24

@LittleChoCho yes I’ve been saying that’s not possible because he can’t hold a conversation but actually I could sing to him or just let him hear my voice. I’m hoping for a discharge earlier than normal. Not good for his rehab but I’m confident I can properly isolate.

@arrakis it’s not a competition. That sounds shit for you. Feel free to post here for support. You’re trying to save people and he will have to realise that.

VanGoghsDog · 21/03/2020 17:27

@arrakis

That sounds shit of him, so he's not the guy you want to be with, right?

My dp, who is higher risk than me, is isolating even from his own sons so as not to be at risk of getting it, said "but if you get symptoms, I'm coming to look after you", obviously I told him not to be so stupid, but we didn't row about it.

Arrakis · 21/03/2020 17:31

That's how I hoped he'd see it. I don't want to derail this thread with my woes, but instead he is all 'You don't care about me. You made this choice and now I'm completely alone' and I have tried to say that physical distance doesn't have to mean being alone with it, but his anger or sadness or disappointment or whatever it is, will mean that.

Anyway, I sympathize with the feeling of being alone with this atm, and I'm so sorry that some of you on this thread are having extra health worries about loved ones along with this. So tough.

Original poster

Satansgourd · 21/03/2020 20:18

Arrakis* no derailment. We’re here to support each other

OP posts:

StillDumDeDumming · 21/03/2020 22:03

@Satansgourd sorry I missed your question. I doubt it. In normal circumstances I’d want him on the ward but it’s quite chaotic and he’s getting no rest. Which his poor brain needs. Having said that nhs friends have said they’re discharging as many as possible. The ward is not at full capacity. I don’t know. He needs physio and as diligent and devoted as I am, I can’t do that to a proper standard. It’s such terrible timing. It’s going to get bad quite quickly. They did say 4-6 weeks of inpatient rehab (which is already down from 4-6 months initially cited).

MrsBush · 21/03/2020 22:16

Thank you for starting this thread. My DH is over 200 miles away, helping his parents. His DF had a fall two weeks ago and broke his hip, so he went to help out for a week and since then his DM has been taken into hospital with an infection in her leg (from a fall before Xmas). Horrible situation for us all, no idea when DH will be home and I'm homeschooling our 2 DSs. We all really miss him. Sending 🍷🍰 to everyone

filka · 22/03/2020 06:46

I know someone from Lombardy, he came back to work abroad in January before this all happened, but his wife stayed on for a little while. Now it's going to be a long while...both countries are locked down and no flights anyway.

Prokupatuscrakedatus · 22/03/2020 11:05

MrsBush Same here:
DH yesterday evening got the news that his DM - who was taken to hospital after a fall - had been discharged home because she is healthy.
She's in BW and 94 - so he went back to care for her and probably won't come home for some time because of her and because BW is likely to go into lockdown. Luckily they are well provided with food as a result of her needs - so he can minimise going out.

Me and the DC (teens) are in Berlin.

Original poster

Satansgourd · 22/03/2020 14:29

Hope everyone is ok on Mother’s Day

OP posts:

stella47 · 22/03/2020 14:59

My partner and I were going to meet for a walk, but both decided it would psychologically harder to meet, stay distant and then part again. Also we couldn't think of anywhere that wouldn't potentially be crowded. He's back on wards tomorrow, I'm back in community. We both think lockdown is needed as what people do now will determine how many die in 2-3 weeks.
On the plus side I've just discovered that Ready Steady Cook is back on telly! I've just learned how to make Ricotta cheese in 10 mins :)

Azandme · 22/03/2020 15:05

DP is in the US, I'm here. We usually see each other every three months (I'm a teacher) but we had Easter (our anniversary) and May (his birthday) planned.

April visit cancelled and May visit? No idea whatsoever. I normally cope because there's a plan. Now I have no idea when I'll see him again.

CaptainMyCaptain · 22/03/2020 15:07

My SiL is locked in at work on an off shore oil rig in another country. DD might not see him until June. I'm sure there are a lot of people in this position.

ChangChang · 22/03/2020 20:33

Thank you for this thread, OP - I'd posted earlier something similar in the week but just had a few, "so what?" type responses which just made me feel worse 🙁 I know it's not forever, and of course it's important to do our bit, but I feel so sad. I've been in my relationship since December, which I know doesn't sound very long, but we've been friends for much longer, and it's been really special for me, having come out of a 15-year, abusive relationship three years ago... Sorry, that turned into a long post!

Whathewhatnow · 22/03/2020 20:48

I have a double whammy of living with my ex and kids (it's been 12 months since the split but london mortgage issues) and a new partner of 3 months but who is an old old friend.

Me and the ex had 3 days of enforced "we're in this together"... until the inevitable cracks started to show. We are also WFH together for the foreseeable.

And then there is new DP. Who is self-employed. His 3 closest friends are either key workers/have health issues.

We are still visiting each other. I know this is not allowed but he is so depressed and despondent and has MH history.

And in the midst of all this are my kids, having to live with separates parents, and me and their dad trying to sell this house and buy two others. I feel like my head is going to explode.

I am dreading lockdown which can only be a couple of weeks away at most.

EmAndes · 27/03/2020 19:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

rememberatime · 28/03/2020 09:26

My partner lives overseas and we had planned to see each other next week after 6 months apart. We had to cancel that and now it might be another 6 months. We've lived this way for more than 3 years. But I had so looked forward to seeing him. We talk every day but I'm fearful one of us will get sick and not be able to support each other.

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