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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Want a divorce and now on lockdown for the foreseen future

11 replies

Safiyah2020 · 20/03/2020 19:50

I have been debating a divorce for the past year. And it's got to the point I literally just can't stand him. I've realised he's never gonna change, so I need to push aside the fact that I love him and accept its just never gonna work.

I live in his country and now it's on lockdown all airports shut and we are literally stuck in the house for the forseen future.

How will I survive this?

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 20/03/2020 19:53

Is he violent or abusive?

If not, it will be annoying, frustrating, awful and infuriating but you will get through it.

Safiyah2020 · 20/03/2020 20:03

No he's not but can be very rude with his words.

I'm guessing I'm gonna have to take the cordial, polite interactions and try to limit it to just that and sleep in the kids room.

He doesn't want the divorce so is just being an ass, right now he's sat in the bedroom talking loudly with all his family on the phone.. Purposely to piss me off.

Ugh I'm gonna need some serious patience to get through this.

OP posts:
Safiyah2020 · 20/03/2020 20:17

I think he will use this time to punish me as he knows I cannot go anywhere. So I'm predicting he will be rude and obnoxious for the foreseeable future.

OP posts:
Safiyah2020 · 20/03/2020 20:18

Anyone else in the same boat?

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 21/03/2020 03:07

What do you do for a living. I find it easier to pretend family members who piss me off are clients.

kikikoo · 21/03/2020 08:40

Yes, was in almost exactly the same boat (not in a different country to my own though).

Had to stay in that situation for a year, with him being rude and obnoxious as you say, because he knew financially at the time I couldn't leave.

I slept in the spare room and spent every evening either sitting in my room, out walking for hours, or sitting in my daughters room with her playing games.

I survived it by being polite and biting my lip. Keeping it decent and avoiding rows at all cost in order to maintain harmony for the kids. It was ridiculously difficult to do but I'm a changed person as a result. It was one of the hardest times of my life - felt like a prisoner in my own home. I used to dread even going home and my heart would sink if his car was on the drive.

I kept sane by knowing I would eventually get out. I made little plans like went on a shopping trip and secretly got myself home essentials - cutlery, a kettle, plates - and stored them in the garage.

When I did eventually find a private rental to take me on, I took about a month getting it ready gradually so me and the 4 kids could just move straight in. Broadband connected, beds put up etc. So we could all just 'go' one day without stress. We took no furniture only our belongings.

It was such a miserable time, I felt absolutely desperate at times if I'm honest. But you will get through this and life will be wonderful again.

All the best.

Rollercoasteride · 21/03/2020 20:23

Yes in the same boat here. We spoke last weekend about him moving out..but things with the world have moved on since then!
His parents are high risk so he can't stay there. I am a key worker, and he can work from home so he will have to do all the childcare.
Iam not moving out, plus my dad is also high risk.
He has made it clear to me that he hasn't bought me anything for mothers day. He has been to the shops a few times this week. I said to DS jokingly what we doing tomorrow, cue H getting mad because I was making them feel guilty.
He is just a miserable git, who has issues ( I sat near him,he said he was claustrophobic). I have put up with this for years, he needs to sort his head out away from me. But sadly I will have to put up with it for now.

Keep chatting here, take care x

I0NA · 21/03/2020 22:56

Have you had legal advice ? Do you plan to move back to your country and will he consent to you taking the kids ?

Lovestoned · 22/03/2020 20:00

@MrsTerryPratchett thank you, that is the most I have laughed all year!

LaurieFairyCake · 22/03/2020 20:05

2 things that helped me through

  1. Don't look at his face, look slightly to the side - that way you can't see him being a cunt to you
  1. Be with the kids ALL the time - if they go to the loo, go to bed, watch tv

Also, ignore every single thing he says to you that's unkind - pretend you don't hear, keep your back to him/wear earphones

All of the above is really helpful to make you feel more in control

PatricksRum · 23/03/2020 03:06

OP is he on the birth certificates or do you plan on staying in his country after the divorce?

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