Husband left . Maybe affair, maybe not

[happynowagain]

Would you care?
He decided he wanted to leave the marriage and split the family. He said there was no one else. The signs were there that there may have been for months.. disengaged / late working/ no family involvement etc.
He says he met his new woman the weekend he made his decision on ie met her at a bar that weekend.
Would you believe him , would it matter ?
Many might say what does it matter now as it's over but for those of you who will never know the truth, did it matter whether he left for ow or of he met her that weekend.
Does it make him less of a shit ?
Thanks

No, I wouldn't believe him.

No it doesn't matter.

Could be an 'exit' affair.

Relationship not working.
Meet someone else.
Make sure it working then jump ship.

My ex did this sort of.

It didn't matter - we argued every day.

Problem is he's just running away from his problems , which will follow him into the next relationship.

For myself on the other hand it spurred me into change.

Put myself and dd first. Had therapy.

I worked on myself.

Took an honest look at my part in the break down of our marriage.

He was a good man but we just wanted different things.

A few years later I met dh and I was ready this time.

If you believe this shite I'm sure he has a bridge to sell you, too.

Thanks for such an uplifting and positive post.
He is also a good man just a shit husband and father.
I'm
Also having therapy and figuring out my part in all of this.
I turned into a ' nag' his words.. as I kept on at him to contribute to family life and 'didn't understand his need ' to be out of the house twelve hours per day , but yet refusing to apply for other work nearer home which would have been attainable, if he had wanted a family life, instead f ' dumping'
All family child care and running of house despite also working
Full time. Sleeping/ phone/tv at weekends. Zero interest on kids or me .
I hope this spurs me to change too.
I'm out of a lonely, thankless marriage so I should be happy shouldn't I ?

Oh they come up with a load of "poor me" stories to justify their behaviour . No , he has not just met her .

I'm out of a lonely, thankless marriage so I should be happy shouldn't I ?*

So much of your post rings a bell.

You will grieve for the relationship you never had.
It's a horrible time.

Cry , stamp your feet , get angry.

Then dust yourself down and look to future.

Be kind to yourself.

Give yourself time and space.

'Poor me' has just lost his job , has no family or friends that want anything to do with him. One of our children doesn't
Speak to him and he is living in a grotty little flat with no heating and will possibly succumb to the cv doe to his contact. With nobody to care for him.
Karma has a horrible habit of kicking you up the arse when you least expect it althoughI would not wish that on my worst enemy.
He has his girlfriend though who is so frightened of this virus that she won't have him in her house .

Yep behaviour changes are a dead giveaway... and I can guarantee that it's definitely been going on from before he left...why do they have to be such cowards and lie about it?
My exh told me he had the OW "who had changed his life" the previous Wednesday as he told me on the Saturday (August Bank Holiday weekend).....Signs had been there for months in fact I pinpointed the actual weekend he first took her out.
It was the last weekend in the previous February and a Saturday night when he said he was going out with the lads but he was dressed up very smart instead of just jeans etc.

His behaviour changed from that weekend onwards. Looking for any reason to be antagonistic. Sulking. Refusing to talk about anything and in the end I had had enough. Going over to his mum's 2 or 3 times a week and staying over on the pretext she needed company.
Best thing he did was walk out after 18years of putting up with his selfish man childlike behaviour.
Fast forward 18years to last year and he has left the OW(who he soon married after we split) for another woman.
It does not bother me one bit as my life got infinitely better after he was gone for good.

I got proof my ex was having an affair.
I don't blame him for leaving. I blame him for staying and having an affair. In the time I thought he was just tempted, I actively encouraged him to leave first and meet someone else later. He did not.

What a wanker! You don't deserve any of this.

Also having therapy and figuring out my part in all of this

Don't let him convince you you somehow were to blame for it. I'd say it was all on him.

Yes I think he was already seeing OW- it'd be too unlikely they happened to meet the very same weekend. The difference it makes is that you have even more reason never to get back with him- not that any more were needed.

He will never admit to it, I imagine. The only way you could learn more is if he'd been so thick as not to delete FB msgs and stuff and you managed to find something by getting into his accounts.

Hugs xxxxx