Unsure why I’m unhappy

[Greyfloors]

Just that really, my MH is playing up at the moment and I don’t understand why. I have two wonderful children, lovely job that I can work around my dc. I have boyfriend of 18months who couldn’t be better yet something is missing, I’m unhappy and I don’t know how to fix it.

I keep thinking it’s my relationship but now I think it’s me, My head is all over the place and I’m not enjoying my time with my children as I should. I want to come home from the school run and just go to bed.
I try to hide how I’m feeling from my bf as he will just ask me what the solution is and what to do to make it better yet I don’t have the answers and he just gets annoyed with me.

I had this. Counselling helped me realise I was suppressing a lot of issues from long ago that were preventing me from enjoying my progress. Worth a try?

That might be it. I’m not sure how to start counseling though. They are very expensive and I’m limited with time because I finish work to pick up dc from school and have very little spare time. I get eow off when they visit their dad but I try to spend the time with my bf as we don’t get much quality time either. I also don’t want to tell him if I went to counseling, I’m not sure why but it’s something I wouldn’t want to tell anyone

Also, society conditions us to think we should derive unending joy and pleasure from our daily lives, which contain a lot of drudgery and routine. Even being in the company of our children can just be....boring, frankly (much as you love them). Such controversial thoughts are suppressed in society. Sometimes just admitting it can feel like heresy. Cut yourself some slack. You're not a bad person because you don't delight in every aspect of your life. What's your heart desire really deep down? Maybe you need to do a course to change your career, or set yourself a challenge to inject some excitement in your life.

Iv been separated from my dc father for 3 years, he was controlling and abusive and we had a very toxic relationship, yet I still miss parts of it but again don’t know what. I can’t stand him, he’s actually a horrible person

@Dappledsunlight the thing is I used to be so driven, knew exactly what I wanted, planned my life out. Had a career, purchased a house, got married and had my children.
Now I feel in limbo, children are 10 and 7, quite enjoy my job, nothing stimulating though. I do need some Kind excitement but have no idea how to get it now. I’m better when my bf is here, we do lots of exciting things and have lots of fun. I fancy the pants off him, he’s kind and everything Iv ever wanted. However I don’t feel like part of a team, like I did with my horrible exh

I think when things are finally looking up that is when low mood can set in. Especially if you have been used for a long time to toxicity and drama and walking on eggshells/stress. When things are calm it doesn't feel quite right as it isn't your norm.

Sounds like you are not co dependent with your new guy compared to your ex. Which is healthy but doesn't create the same chemical reactions in your brain as your old relationship.

@SapatSea you’re right I’m not codependent like I was with my ex but I want to be, I want something that brings us together. I’m scared that this crisis atm will drive us apart too. I feel alone a lot of the time And I don’t know why, he’s there but not in my team (not out of it but not in it). I feel selfish for thinking about it as he has his own dramas and children and I have nothing to be stressed about really, emotionally I’m a mess. I’m keeping it together atm and no one can tell but inside I feel like I’m falling apart.

Time to speak to your GP, I think - (I know it's difficult right now). But it sounds to me like you could do with some support. You've been running on adrenalin/cortisol for years and your brain and body need to adjust. Like a comedown from drugs.

Hi Op
The way you feel Is bound to be linked to your past abusive relationship. However possibly there are changes to make in your current relationship. You say you have fun and fancy him but he’s ‘there but not In your team’. Emotional intimacy is complex but could it be that you are not getting quite enough support or commitment for a relationship of 1.5 years. Counselling may help you assess where the feelings of unhappiness are coming from.

Yes, also the "he just gets annoyed with me" doesn't scream boyfriend who couldn't be better.

Have you read Women Who Love Too Much by Robin Norwood? She talks about how a healthy relationship can seem rather dull at first when you’ve been used to the extreme highs and lows of an abusive relationship.