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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Unhappy relationship

22 replies

Wildthornberry · 18/03/2020 22:57

Anyone else found themselves in an unhappy relationship lately and dreading how bad things might get without the usual distractions?

OP posts:
CyberNan · 18/03/2020 23:18

no. if i'm in a unhappy relationship, I end it

whats "the usual distractions"...?

Original poster
Wildthornberry · 18/03/2020 23:26

Work, seeing friends, being able to go out for meals, not being stuck indoors all of the time.

OP posts:
Tulip55 · 19/03/2020 08:29

Yes, me :-( I had started to make a plan for leaving my husband but that's all out the window now. They are making redundancies at work already. Schools shut so I am homeschooling. My husband is still working for now but the thought of him being in the house with us all the time too is too much!

Original poster
Wildthornberry · 19/03/2020 08:34

@Tulip55 sorry to hear you are in such a tough position and it’s thrown all your plans up in the air. Did your husband know you were planning to leave?
My husband is also still at work but I don’t think that will continue after next week. It’s likely he won’t be paid which will send him in to a downward spiral.

OP posts:
pottersaresexy · 19/03/2020 09:04

@Tulip55
I too am making plans and can't work out whether to carry on or wait a while to see how things pan out. Myself and "D"H are both now working from home but we haven't actually spoken to each other for slightly over two weeks now. I can't see it improving now we are forced to be in the house together.

Tulip55 · 19/03/2020 09:10

@Wildthornberry my husband doesn't know. Things had been bad between us but I think all this change in the world has been distracting from the problem. He wouldn't have a clue I might leave him. I definately can't while this is going on, too much uncertainty for our kids

Tulip55 · 19/03/2020 09:13

@pottersaresexy this is a scary time, I just wish I had someone who could give me comfort and to feel loved in this time, I don't feel I get that from my husband....if hes home, he will most probably be drinking from mid day everyday 😫

Original poster
Wildthornberry · 19/03/2020 09:20

@Tulip55 mine will be the same. I wish I had the comfort too, or even just the company of being spoken to. I feel very anxious about how difficult the coming weeks will be.
@pottersaresexy sorry to hear you are also in a lonely environment. I find the not talking really hard as it feels like living with a stranger.

OP posts:
ToBreatheAgain · 19/03/2020 09:53

Very much dreading DH working from home. Weekends are bad enough. At least then all the kids are here as a buffer.

Splitsunrise · 19/03/2020 09:58

Yes I’m in similar situation...unhappy (but not abusive). Feel a bit stuck in limbo now though

Seaside1234 · 19/03/2020 10:50

Yep, see my recent thread - no idea how it's going to work out, he behaves as if being around his own kids is absolute martyrdom when he's in a bad way (like now), and as I'm a frontline NHS worker they're going to be all his on the 3 days that I work! It's also put any plans I had to look into separation on hold. It's all worse because it's such a weird time anyway. I'm going to concentrate on looking after myself and the children, and take it from there. Hugs ladies xx

Original poster
Wildthornberry · 19/03/2020 11:03

Good advice on focusing on yourself and the children. Wishing you all lots of strength during such an uncertain time.

OP posts:
pottersaresexy · 19/03/2020 11:17

So many of us in a similar situation! Hopefully we can make it through

AutumnMama · 19/03/2020 11:56

Also feeling the same here, myself and DP are going through a hard time and struggling to be around each other. Dreading all being stuck under 1 roof and feeling so lonely.

Original poster
Wildthornberry · 19/03/2020 12:04

@AutumnMama sorry to hear you’re also feeling the same. Hopefully we can all offer each other some support and help ease the loneliness.

OP posts:
welshladywhois40 · 19/03/2020 13:18

Yes - even if your relationship is great being home all the time is going to increase pressure.

I was in a previous relationship where my partner was an alcoholic and had a lot of issues. I hated the weekends and being at home so this self isolation and work from home would have been hell.

So yes I do worry how people in tough relationships are coping currently and how much abuse behind closed doors is escalating!

AutumnMama · 25/03/2020 20:37

Thought I'd check in and see how everyone is doing?
Not great here but trying to focus on my DD and becoming the person I used to be and have lost recently. Hope everyone else is feeling more positive x

Original poster
Wildthornberry · 25/03/2020 23:08

Sorry to hear that @AutumnMama how old is your DD? I’m trying to break my days in to parts to make it feel more normal. Going for my walk in the morning with DS and getting some air to clear my head, and also have time just the two of us outside of the pressure cooker that our home now is. Trying to focus on work too so I have a bit of ‘me’.

OP posts:
AutumnMama · 26/03/2020 07:30

She's 4 and I think slightly aware things aren't right, even though we are trying to be fine around her.
How old is your DS? I find the air helps me too, am going to try and be in the garden as much as possible today.

Tulip55 · 28/03/2020 21:49

Hi guys...how are you getting on? I have had a confusing week. Husband has been home all week and has been helping with the kids and we have all taken our daily walk together. But for some strange reason has slept in the spare room all week, and going to bed early alone leaving me with the kids. Thing is before this coronavirus mess I was looking at houses to rent. Now he's being so helpful with the kids it makes me feel guilty.
I feel I am being selfish thinking of taking my kids away from living with a loving father. We get along in a platonic way, we mostly exist in the same house but separately.
But for the first time in my life I feel excited about having and keeping a house of my own. In the past it has always scared me and never liked the idea of it. Also, in the past I have dreamt of a new man but I don't think about that anymore, now I just want my own space and to be able to do my own thing, be independent. I'm not sure what all this means.

Heartburn888 · 28/03/2020 22:21

Yes I want my ex to leave but given the current situation he can’t really as his mother is diabetic.

We are grating in each other and don’t sleep in the same bed unless we really have to. He’s currently on the sofa I’m in bed.

Here’s to a new life when this is done Wine

CustardPot · 29/03/2020 08:35

Ian feeling the same :( ( not abusive) kind of stuck in a limbo of what to do, we are like roomates loving together, no common hobbies, sleeping seperatley he stays awake all night on YouTube won't wake up now till around 3ish, arguments about how spend our evenings. ( No marriage or children) I'm 26.... I love him and hurts me to think of leaving and don't want to make wrong decision but I'm not sure anymore if he is what I want for rest of my life I can't come to a decision :( it's horrible stuck in limbo inside myself...

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