Reluctant for partner to see his family

[Creamegg11]

My partner booked some train tickets a few months ago to visit his elderly parents at the end of March up North from London. But I’m concerned about him catching the Coronavirus en route and taking it to his parents or bringing it back home. His brother that also lives close to their parents works in a hospital and that has got me worried too.

Both my young children have been unwell recently with fever, cough, vomiting etc too and I don’t want them to get ill again.

I say to him could he not postpone the trip until the situation settles down with the Coronavirus but he’s adamant on going. He has two brothers up there that can keep an eye on his parents.

Perhaps I’m worrying unnecessarily? Thoughts?

I don't think you're worrying unnecessarily personally. Especially with the kids involved. Why is he so adamant about travelling now, when we are all being advised to avoid anything but urgent trips. Does he not watch the news ?
If he insists on going in guess you can't stop him just ensure he takes the necessary precautions.

let him go and visit, but tell him he isn't coming back.

its bad enough that he puts his parents lives at risk by exposing them to whatever he picks up on the way, but there is no way i would be allowing him to be putting me and my children at risk

He might already be infected, but showing no symptoms. He will infect alot of people including his elderly parents, which could be fatal. Although we might be in lock down by then.

You'd advocate divorcing him over this mamato? That's a bit of an overreaction. He shouldn't go, but the odds of him having the disease or picking it up on the way would be very low.

The decision may well be taken out of his hands. Please don't fall out over this.

Agree with @MintySpud. You will all be locked down before he has a chance to visit. In a way that will be easier because the decision will be taken out of his/your hands.

Chances are even if your children catch it they'll be fine. Though hypothetically is your elderly PIL catch it they could die. If this was the case could wouldn't you feel pretty bad your DP didn't get to see them for the last time?
I get what you're saying but over all I think you're coming across quite selfish in your reasoning.

He's being an idiot. Why would he want to risk infecting his parents? Why? I really don't understand the mentality of people like him. My friend text me last night saying she has flu symptoms so is self isolating and I should be informed as I saw her last week. So she could well have been contagious then. I could be contagious now and in the pre-symptom phase, and we're out in the sticks, not London which is Covid19 central!!

No, he shouldn't go.

He will like others in his situation be experiencing huge anxiety and guilt about not being able to see them. That is what is driving his behaviour but the action, a dash to see them before a lockdown won’t alleviate it and places them at greater risk.

It’s worth trying to have this conversation again. But you need to express your concerns more personally for him and to focus in his feelings. His bond to his parents and the distance will have created a huge burden for him. This is what he must manage and you can help him. Dashing off seems a obvious way to alleviate the guilt. But there is a reason why older people are being asked to isolate physically.

He needs to put their welfare first, not his guilt at not being able to see them. Many people are in this boat. Unable to see older loved ones for the last time. But we can’t all dash off and do it. Even if asked by needy people. It won’t help them. We all need to be able to cope with our form of isolation.

There are other ways he can support them. Practically he can look into ways to keep them safe at home and linked to the community around them.

By all means talk about the risk to your children. There is a very slight risk they could catch it but a huge possibility that their symptoms will be minor or unseen.

Thanks for everyone’s replies. He decided not to go only because his sister and his parents advised him not to.

Personally I don’t think it’s a good idea that his brother whom works in a hospital environment should visit their parents either.

Also he’s a gym fanatic and not giving that up. He very much has an attitude of he does want he wants and that I just over worry.

This whole situation is just weird and I am genuinely concerned. Keep safe everyone.