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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Major life change now?

9 replies

pottersaresexy · 18/03/2020 20:59

Things haven't been going well between myself and my husband for some time and they got worse when DS2 left for university last autumn. "D"H thinks this is when things changed.

Just after new year I broke my ankle, I was on crutches, non weight bearing but during this time "D"H did not so much as make me a drink. I had to make my way into the kitchen on crutches to make my own food.

During this time I became more and more resentful and snappy. I even said to him during one of these discussions that he had chance now to show me he cared and there was something to save. Nothing changed. Two weeks ago we had an argument where we both agreed there was nothing to save and since then we have not spoken.

I was planning to speak to both DSs over the Easter period and then move out once DS2 had returned to Uni. This is not now happening and lock down seems to be looming for all of us.

I viewed a rental house today as one has actually come up within my price range. The thing is I can't work out whether now is a good time to be making such a major life change. DSs are 21 (lives away but will come back if we go into lock down) and 19 in a few days so they are old enough to understand and have the whole thing explained

OP posts:
CyberNan · 18/03/2020 23:47

there is never a good time... just do it...

AnneLovesGilbert · 18/03/2020 23:54

Would you rather be stuck indoors with him or by yourself?

I can tell you in my own experience that being lonely on your own is a damn sight better than being lonely in a marriage. I wasn’t actually lonely once I’d left because I enjoy my own company and wasn’t feel stressed, irritated, frustrated or disappointed. I felt free.

How quickly can you be in?

Holothane · 18/03/2020 23:55

Get out I was once in a marriage that was dead, once I moved I felt so much better.

Allinadaystwerk · 18/03/2020 23:58

I'd go if I could

probablysue · 19/03/2020 00:27

Surely you’d rather be in lockdown on your own than with him! Do it if you can. Will there be space for your kids to bunk down with you if we go into lockdown?

TheStuffedPenguin · 19/03/2020 00:29

It's a messy time financially OP to do this - I see where you are coming from though .

Hotshakes · 19/03/2020 01:24

Feel for you as its such an uncertain time with this virus for moving home but I'm glad you've made decision to LTB, it sounds like he checked out long ago and you'll be so much happier on your own. Its only once your away from the situation you fully appreciate what you'd been accepting as normal.

I found once decision to split was very mentally freeing, even though ended up stuck living with ex as housemates longer than either of us wanted, it was at least bearable. However find it chilling that your DH could watch on as you struggled on crutches & never even made you a drink, who the fuck does that!

LellyMcKelly · 19/03/2020 05:04

Move. This will go on for months. Do you really still want to be doing what you’re doing in September?

TopShelf · 19/03/2020 05:37

I've been where you are and it doesn't get better no matter how long you hang in there hoping it does.

Don't waste aonther moment of your life on someone who doesn't even like you, op.. Fate is offering you a way out I'd snatch fate's hand off if I were you.

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