Why is my ex gf doing this?

[Notquitethere01]

Ex has been messaging me on and off. Then this last week has been carrying on messaging me everyday. She's been asking how I am etc.
She then asked me if I was seeing anyone. To which I replied I wasn't.
I then asked if she was and she said not really.....
So I asked what that means and she went on to tell me that's she's going on a date with a guy on Thursday. Why is she doing this? Why ask me and then tell me that.
It has broken my heart being honest but I told her I'm happy for her.

Previous to all this she will message me then ignore me for days, sometimes even weeks and then pop up saying something like 'sorry I didn't spot your reply'

I don't understand why someone would do this if they'd don't want anything to do with me?

This is your wishful and magical thinking - YOU want it to be because she has decided she wants you. She doesn’t - she has told you REPEATEDLY in her words and actions but YOU have a fantasy of something else that is not realistic (and is toxic) - deep down you know this emotionally - ask yourself why YOU are allowing someone to hurt you for so so long.

Block and move on. Not worth the headspace.

Mind games

The girl is playing with you, Notquitethere. It's not kind. Is she bored? If so, not your problem. I doubt she'll be going on a date with a new man in the current circumstances, that would be irresponsible.

Block her.

@Gutterton I totally understand what you are saying. In my mind I still think about when we were together. I need to see her for who she is now, an ex. She's ignored me now again.

@mumsie43 looks that way. Not great

@lynda07 no I agree it has messed with my head a bit. I have been good up until recently.

She was inconsistent when you were together, and she's inconsistent now you've broken up. Inconsistent should be the frame within which you see all her actions, then and now.

Inconsistency is very unsettling. Allow it to taint your good memories of your time together. Her loveliness isn't something you can count on, which means it's not loveliness at all.

She's using you. It doesn't matter why. Not responding is part your relationship; she's made it so. You can do it too and she won't have a leg to stand on.

@Eckhart thankyou. It was very tough at times yes. Inconsistent too and hard work. I just need to clear all feelings for her, not care about who she's dating and get on with my own life.

If she's dating again, she'll do the same thing to the new person. They are now in for all the hard work you don't have to do anymore. Do you really envy them? Would you really like to be at the beginning again, all innocently perceiving her loveliness, and with all the unpleasantness and difficulties of her still to learn?

@Eckhart no you speak a lot of sense. I need to see past the good times and see the bad too. Only a few days ago she said how our relationship 'wasn't good' In the end.
I've been a fool, I've had 3 girls ask me out since the break up but I didn't feel emotionally ready to date, it wouldn't be fair on them.

What have you done that's foolish? If you mean saying no to dating - that's wisdom, for anybody in your position!

@Eckhart yes foolish for not getting out there and dating others. I guess with anything now it's when the time feels right.

Why not be single? Have you looked at the Baggage Reclaim website by Natalie Lue?

I recommend it. I've been in a similar situation to you, where your head knows but your heart struggles to let go.

@Eckhart I've not seen that no. I will stay single until feel completely free from her. It wouldn't be fair in the next person. That's exactly it. My head knows to get on with life but my heart is telling me another thing.
I was doing okay until she told me abiut this new guy. But there is literally nothing I can do. I know that so I have to move forward. She doesn't care about me so why should I remain attached is how I'm trying to see it.

You sound like my brother and his partner. He would claim he was a great partner and tried his best aswell, but I see all the things he does that would put a woman off. I can also see that his girlfriend/ex fucks with him and keeps him as her back up plan. Block her and move on. Life is too short.

She is just looking for the attention. I'm saying this as someone who behaved like this a long time in the past with a boyfriend who was crazy about me.

I was definitely very immature and he did not deserve how I treated him.

I had so much more respect for him when he just blanked me finally.

@Sickandscared
Thanks yes looks like attention. If she thought about me even on the slightest she wouldn't go dating another guy. To tell it to my face too I find really bizarre and to ask me if I was dating someone too. Wish I'd of said yes LOL
It seems every single answer is along the same lines. I don't deserve to be treated like this anymore. It's my own fault in a way to let it happen .

@Iminaglasscaseofemotion did your brother block her in the end?

No he's still clinging on. Although she doesn't actually live in the UK, she in staying here while studying and is now going home because of everything that's going on. Hopefully it's the clean break they both need.

Have the two of you met in real life?

Is it possible she wants to stay friends? I am in contact with my ex’s and we discuss current relationships with others.

Block the biatch

@Becccy17 err yes we were together a little over three years.

@tryalittletenderness possible but then why act so hot and cold to me. She literally is/ was happy and upbeat to talk one minute, the next ice cold.

@Noshowlomo seems everyone giving that advice

Hope everyone is safe.

Just to bring this up to date.
I have met another girl and we are getting on well. I haven't been able to see her because of lockdown but we intend to meet afterwards.

She message me at the end of March to which I replied and again she ignored me after a while. She hasn't contacted me since. However out of the blue a couple of weeks ago she liked a instagram post two days after I posted it. I have posted since but she hasn't liked.

This is where it gets weird. Just a couple of days ago she liked a post my brother put up of a painting he did. Since I have known her she has NEVER interacted like that. I find it strange why she would do this all of a sudden? Has anyone else's ex's done this with your family? It's not like she knew my bother that well she only met him a hand full of times as he worked away a lot.

Does it really matter? Stop giving her so much headspace. Are you going to post here after every "interaction"?

You've met someone else. Enjoy it and give her the respect she deserves and concentrate on her, or end it if you're going to keep obsessing over your ex

Hi yes that's true thanks. I just found it a little strange that out of the blue she's done this