Stay or leave long term relationship

[CustardPot]

I'm 27 been with my partner since 19, I am really beside myself not knowing to stay or go, we live together rented house there is no cheating or abuse I am just questioning if this is all there is / will be to my relationship.
We still get along but have not much in common. He will be on his guitar and or game and I sit in the livingroom watching my programmes, we come together to watch TV shows when get the chance. He is doing his driving lessons ( untill this cornoavirus too much) so we would be able to do more as mostly we just work and sit on the sofa occasionally go out shopping for the day.

Our interests are abit diffrent I am more into cooking then him so I do more of that, he helps around the house now and then could be better, I am a morning person and he a night owl and often takes a while to wake up on our days off together. He sometimes sleeps on the sofa and falls alseep watching YouTube and wish he would come be in bed with me.

Our sex life has been rubbish for past 3 so months I feel like he can't turn me on anymore? I still want sex with him just when it happens about twice a month it's normally not very good. I really am not sure what to do, I love him and it hurts my heart to know I wouldn't see him again but then another part of me thinks you only get one life and I could be with someone more in common/ same sleep schedule as me.

I don't want to leave and make a huge mistake I completely trust him and love him cuddling/kissing still have feeling for him. And know there are alot of men put there that cheat/can't trust . But I don't want to think I have settled because I am comfortable? Or am I over thinking it all?? 😓😕 X
I know there is no right or wrong answer it can only come from what I decide and I really don't know how or what to think all I know is it would hurt me to leave him when still love him.

Thank you your help X I know not sure still what going to do love is very complicated :( Xx

Yes it is! Best of luck x

This isn't comfortable - this is over.

This

He says just enough to suck you in but really isn’t interested In anything other than maintaining the status quo.

You’ve outgrown him and he isn’t interested in being different beyond lip service.

I understand how difficult it is to leave the familiar but you are only sabotaging your future by hanging on to the past.

If you've been with him since you were 19, if you don't mind me asking, did you have many partners/lovers before him?

Just thinking that could be the reason why you have the feeling you're missing out. xx

I recommend the book too good to leave to bad too stay. It takes some of the indecision away by walking you through your thinking.

I also urge you to stop talking to this man at work. You may be subconsciously trying to give yourself permission to cheat by running down your relationship in your mind over several weeks or months before taking positive steps such as both of you reading about relationship cycles and putting effort in, going to counselling etc (if you want to know you have tried and really do love this man).

Thank you everyone xx I did have couple boyfriends for a few months and then when I met current partner it just worked from the off and I enjoyed loved spending time with him. And yes being 19 I wasn't sure what to look for in a partner I just knew I enjoyed seeing him and went off that.

The man at work is what I would go for now if I was single and feel like he is more on my wavelength that current partner. It's just I keep questioning my current situation thinking it could be grass is greener? It's so difficult :( part of me is thinking I'm only staying because I don't want to deal with the headache and pain/ worry I am settling, then I think I'm being stupid when we both still love each other maybe I'm panicking as we only get one life... AHH :( I'll be okay XXX thank you everyone helping me xx

You do only get one life, and personally I wouldn’t stick this out if I knew there was someone else I might be better suited to.

I disagree with the pp who said stay away from the other man. I mean, don’t have an affair with him, obv, but suppressing your feelings for the sake of what could well be a dead relationship is just going to make it worse in the long run.

It wasn’t until I broke up with my ex and started seeing other people that I realised what a healthy relationship dynamic was for me. Crucially - so did he. He is now in a marriage where he gets to be an adult, instead of being infantilised by the dynamic we had. It’s better for both of us.

You both need to discover what you need and want.

The only way to know if it is grass is greener is to separate and date someone else.

I really think do nothing but read that book for a week in the first instance.

Think about what is the best that could happen in each scenario.

If you stay, you know full well that this is as good as it gets, because he doesn't want to change.

If you end it, you could meet the man of your dreams.

Not such a hard decision now, is it?

Omg you are so young yet your life is more boring than my aged parents!

Exactly why do you think life should be devoid of spark and 'life'?!

Where is the excitement?!

Sorry op but you sound like you are married to an aged pair of worn out slippers.

My dh and I have been married for more than 20 years and we do much more, have fun and enjoy a great laugh.

You are missing out.

I have two under 5s and been married for 10 years but been having doubts for a long while. OH knows I'm unhappy but refuses counselling or talking. He says he's happy and it's just me that has high expectations and thinks i'll never be happy. Main issues are his heavy drinking, he doesn't talk much at all or kiss me hello when he gets in from work, he doesn't like going out, our taste in music and TV is more different than ever, he often ignores me which drives me mad, he rarely shows affection unless it's for sex, hes good with the kids but takes it for granted the things I do for us as a family. He has no empathy and very little interest in my life ie my job or interests. When we get time on our own for a meal out or something it often ends in arguments as I try to have a heart to heart and hes bored of hearing it. Tried to encourage him to get a hobby but he's not keen. I often go out with friends thst are in couples and he'd rather stay home so I feel like I'm on my own. It's like we're just cohabiting. Good things include him being a good dad, he's a good man, he's been through a lot (I think he's depressed but he won't do anything about it just drinks) he does a lot round the house, he's funny and good company when he's had a good drink and shows his love in small gestures, my family love him. I feel like the love is fading and I'm tired of going over the same things knowing it won't change. Am I asking too much? I want to hold his hand if we're out, I want him to talk through our day together and share some interests. I can't stop thinking that someone else would treat me better or I'd be happier being single. And I feel like I carry him. We both work hard but I do eveything on top of that, finances, school runs, Housework, cooking, etc etc. And when I ask for his help he just tells me to stop stressing or go and see a counsellor. But how do people break up? What about the poor kids? Finances? Mortgage? Memories? Starting over? I worry it will break him and I'll be more unhappy. He moved away from his friends so that we could afford a house and be near my family but I fear he will have nothing. We've sent so much doing our home up too we'd have to give it all up. I love him and care for him so much but I can't help but think that I'll always be unhappy. I've had counselling and on antidepressants and have a good job, amazing friends and family although Not sure my family will agree with a divorce as its a sign of giving up. But I just don't know how to make it work. Please help, not told a soul I feel this way xx