Love in the time of Corona

[ninja]

(apologies to Garcia-Marques fans)

Separated and divorced from father of my kids 9 years (emotionally abusive relationship)

Had a 3 year very loving but long distance relationship, in the end there was just one too many barriers but we're still close friends

One 6 month relationship that I never really wanted but he was very insistent - and there were some issues in this

I've been single nearly 2 years and am still trying to get my head straight after some difficult times.

However ... I was on a course at the weekend and met someone I liked, someone who made me laugh and I could see going out with. He did say on the first morning at breakfast that he was happy being single for the moment (I don't know but a FB stalk suggests his relationship might only have finished at the end of last year). However when we left he suggested me meet up sometime (to pursue common hobby) and we've been messaging constantly since.

We've not mentioned anything personal - but it's almost being left unsaid. We got on really well and there were just odd little things in common. I get the impression he's interested.

He does live 90 minutes away and I have my kids half the time - normally though that wouldn't necessarily be a barrier.

The things is, though, with social isolation it doesn't look like we'll get a chance to meet any time soon. I don't know if 3 months or more of just messaging is going to just fizzle out. I think we've both been hurt and will be cautious and neither of us is currently giving away anything in messages.

I also know that electronic messages don't necessarily reflect reality and can become quite addictive - who doesn't love the ping of a personal message - and so meeting face to face after online intimacy can be hard.

Is there any chance for me here? It really is the first person in 4 years that I've thought could be someone special.

Doesn't sound impossible. Not totally unlike the early days of my relationship: met man on holiday, never got as far as relationship, wrote letters, met after a year, eventually merged into long distance relationship that went on for nearly 10 years, now happily married for nearly 30 years.

What I would say is:

keep it light touch

be funny or interested in common hobby rather than intense

see if eventually there is a way in which you can move from brief text messages into a format that allows you both to get to know each other better- email?

be prepared for the thought that meeting face to face will be difficult

Nice title!

Of course there’s a chance if you’re both genuinely interested in each other. Only time will tell. Keep in contact, but keep it light and friendly so you don’t get too invested. If there’s real mutual connection then there is every chance you can take things further in due course, but if not it will just fizzle out. You’ll just have to wait and see.

Thanks for appreciating the title :)

Yes - I guess I'll just have to wait and see. The messages are inevitably going to get more personal though - finding out about our lives as things are mentioned (e.g. he's just said something about working in Saudi Arabia - so there must be some story around that).

It's quite exciting and will keep my mind off just negative thoughts!

Try to talk on the phone rather than messaging, if you can. But yeah, very long distance relationships can flourish, so no reason why some intimacy between you couldn't be possible.

I generally hate phone calls (although they always worked with my last LDR - and FaceTime was a saviour).

Just not sure we've got to that stage yet. We're at the pre/first date meet up without loads of other people around stage ...well I may be hoping and projecting here ...

We never did phone calls. Partly because we couldn't afford it (those were the days when international calls were expensive), but also partly because they seemed to weighty and too easy to end in disappointment. Letters, sending pictures, talking about everyday or things we'd done in the past, just getting to know each other. Bonding without putting pressure on.

Could you suggest arranging to meet for a walk somewhere or an outdoor activity to reduce the risks?

currently self-isolating and who knows what the situation will be in two weeks!

Our shared hobby is outdoor so if we have any freedom it's a good one :)

Thanks everyone for answering and taking me seriously! I just feel I deserve some good luck in love ...

Phone calls make a massive difference, if you want to have any chance of making it work- call each other and talk. Then talk some more. It works :)