Just heard he's leaving us

[Realjournal123]

My partner of 19 years. I've just overheard him talking to his old friend and telling him that he's leaving me! This is news to me. We haven't been getting on for a while now but they were just silly tiffs. He's been travelling for business and he was talking about how his friend can get him an apt for a good price in the Middle East. He does business there. We share two beautiful girls 12 and 15 and it will break their hearts. Do I confront him over it or do I play it cool. He earns very good money but I have nothing. We had a bad few years and I gave up my property and the proceeds have all gone from that. ( you get the picture why I'm miffed that he's just able to walk away whilst leaving me high and dry) What shall I do??

Play it cool I think. He’ll need to tell you at some point, and you’ll have had a while to think about it. You can always change your mind if you’ve done enough thinking!

Sorry to hear that, what a horrible and disrespectful way to find out. Is there anyone else involved, or any other way that you could cite him first for unreasonable behaviour? Would that get you a better chance at a favourable financial settlement?

Sorry, that’s such a callous post! I’m sorry, I’m totally so over emotion right now, my husbands leaving too and I’m struggling to get it in perspective with the pandemic.

Your story is very sad, but not uncommon. It's unfortunate that you didn't get married and gave away your property. Did you protect the latter in any way - I guess not.

I hope you are working. If not, get a job. It looks like you will have to fend for yourself, unless he feels sufficiently guilty to support you, at least for a while.

@Seaside1234... I don't think she's married so there's no financial settlement to be had, unless he is feeling generous.

You should get legal advice and say nothing to him.

go and see a solicitor... keep quiet and start stashing money...

Yeslikeittoo- I understand. Same here, all of this on top of this virus is just too much to take in!

Talk to him, you need to know all the facts.

You need urgent legal advice. Keep your cards extremely close to your chest. Since you arent married, you need to be extremely careful, you have no rights and can likely demand nothing. Solicitor, asap.

Have you access to his money......if so draw it all out and put it into your account ..you will need this financial back up x.

How do people have no rights if they aren't married? I'm not in the UK but couples here who have lived together for three years have rights just as though they were married.

So sorry to hear this. Sadly you have put yourself in a very vulnerable position by not marrying, not working and selling your own property without any legal protection. It’s happening to someone I know right now. You have to start to take back control. Hopefully you haven’t let your partner hold all the financial cards and you can access the account and get money out. Look for jobs immediately ( difficult I know in the current climate). If your partner has already decided to leave he is already making financial decisions and plans without you. This is so scary for you but a stark reminder for any of our ladies on MN to never allow yourself to become financially vulnerable to any man and get married before deciding to have children and leaving careers and making major financial decisions. However much you buy in to the “happy ever after” fairytale, women must protect themselves as that fairytale can turn into your worst nightmare overnight. Good luck OP. Get ahead of the curve now.

I hope you are working and able to support yourself? Start squirreling money now. Start planning your own moves.

If you put money into his property, find any proof of it now and speak to a solicitor. You may be able to find one that does a free initial consultation. But you may be SOL.

I wouldn't confront him until I knew my options.

I hadn’t appreciated that you weren’t married. Bear in mind that the position on cohabitation is not the same north and south of the border - there’s no substitute for actual legal advice.

Prepare for the worst.
He is planning on leaving you and the dd.
Or he is taking the dd with him.
The Middle East do things very differently when it comes to dc.
Do your dd have passports? Be on full alert for passport applications or visas. He might suggest a (fake) holiday.
He MIGHT tell you his plans and give you a chance to get financially stable. Given that he has made a decision that he is happy and confident to talk about, his mind is made up.
Get job hunting. Your survival depends on it.

You are a bit vague about your house proceeds going. There must have been a discussion first. What was agreed?
It will be next to impossible to get CMS from an abroad parent. Do not rely on him doing the decent thing, his actions speak very loudly.

Sorry all but where does it say that the OP is not married?
Have I misread something?

Firstly get all the necessary paperwork and docs together and leave with a friend if you can

Go and see a solicitor and find out where you stand legally and what you can and can't do re the house and finances

Then confront him. But how you do this depends on what you want. Do you want to save the marriage or do you want to separate. Think about this over the time it takes to sort yourself out. Tbh I'd be tempted to tell him what you overheard, hand him a bag of his stuff and tell him to leave. Very often this will shock the other person and might make him realise what he's about to lose.

Play it cool, say nothing, get legal advice and collect evidence of all financial and property dealings. Hide your Dc's passports and birth certificates. Do your DC have his name? Is he on the birth certificates?
Do not go to the ME with him. The chances of you having to return without your children is very high.
If you are in England and not married you have very few rights, if any, so legal advice and evidence is crucial.

What @endofthelinefinally said.

Plus this: If your partner has already decided to leave he is already making financial decisions and plans without you.

Your focus right now must be on safeguarding your interests. You are in a weak position, seeing that you aren't married, but half an hour with a competent family solicitor will be a sound investment.

Why, why, why do people get into 'partnerships' and have children without marrying.

Why.

Marriage is the ONLY signal of commitment that matters (it comes with a legal contract). Men will slay dragons for the woman they truly love. Why do women sell themselves short with Mr couldn't be bothered.

This is not politically correct. It is, however, correct.

Best advice:
"I hope you are working and able to support yourself? Start squirreling money now. Start planning your own moves.

If you put money into his property, find any proof of it now and speak to a solicitor. You may be able to find one that does a free initial consultation. But you may be SOL.

I wouldn't confront him until I knew my options."

@endofthelinefinally

Exactly this.

Resist the urge to have your say, it won't change anything.

Use this time to stash any money you can lay your hands on and do as @endoftheline
suggests.

Good luck.

We are not married and no I don't work. I was too busy bringing up his children from a previous marriage. - I know I'm a fool- and we have two of our own. I haven't mentioned anything yet. I've been so normal with him today so he hasn't a clue that I heard his plan. I'm trying to keep it normal for the children as it would be unbearable in these conditions we find ourselves in today. We are all isolating because he was travelling recently. I need time if I have it, to get my head around my financial situation which isn't good. He holds the purse strings but if I'm arst, I'll get nothing at all from him.

Do you own a house together?

No! I've nothing to show for so many years together except an engagement ring. All of my jewellery was stolen and not replaced.