Hi all,
I am 33 years old and have been single since a traumatic breakup from my fiance last year (July). He left me suddenly and I was very much in shock. I am very new to this dating world and I am struggling with it as there is a lot of rejection which given my past I struggle to deal with. It all makes me very anxious.
Fast forward to now and I have been dating actively since the end of last year and have had a number of promising dates. Some I have dated for around five to seven weeks and these have become intimate however they ended usually because the guy seemed to lose interest or claimed they did not want a relationship. This has added to my anxieties.
So about a month ago I met a nice guy online and we chatted back and forth and he asked me out. We went on a date for some drinks at a bar in the city we live in. The date went well and he text me afterwards thanking me and told me I am beautiful. He suggested the second date a few days afterwards and we arranged to go bowling and then for drinks. This was also very positive. He kissed me at the end of the date and I was clear that I liked him too. He paid for everything and refused when I offered. I thanked him for the date and he also thanked me. We kept in touch via text back and forth after this date and I suggested meeting up soon as I didn't know if we would be isolated. He agreed and we planned to go out this Saturday gone. We went for a nice walk and for drinks again. The dates have been around three to four hours. Saturday he dropped me home and kissed me good bye and said 'see you again soon yeah' and I told him to let me know when he would be free.
Our texts have generally been one or two back and forth per day, usually a few paragraphs asking questions etc. Sometimes he will go a few days without a text. After the last date I have only heard from him once when he commented on a photo I sent him. I have initiated texts previously (started conversations) and I am always receptive when he contacts me. He has apologised when he has been distant when he went away with his friends for a weekend away.
We are both teachers and share a lot in common. We are from the same area and our families seem very alike. He ended his last relationship of 9 years (ended 12 months ago) because she didn't want to have a family and he does. I shared that this is something that I desire.
So I guess my first question is, is it strange not to hear from him daily? Even if its just a text to say hi and ask how I am? I don't want to come across too keen (as I have done in the past) and chase him off. I know that men generally will contact if they like you and that they will make things happen. I also worry that perhaps I am one of many females that he is casually dating. He hasn't suggested the next date but said he wanted to see me, but why is he not asking?
Should I tell him that I like him and like spending time with him but would like him to make more effort (or is this too soon?). Should I ask him out again or is it coming across needy if I ask him out twice in a row?
Any advice surrounding what I should do would be gratefully appreciated from people who don't suffer from the same anxieties as me.
Worth pointing out that I have a good job, my own home, a nice family, lovely friends and I have a very happy life. He is 3 years younger than me. My friends say that I am better looking (not that this matters massively) and he has expressed that he finds me attractive and that he is very picky and does not want to settle. He reported to me that he had been on only a few dates and that they hadn't got past the first or second. When I contact him, he always seems very happy to hear from me. He has reported that he is not that into phones and social media and that if the internet went off tomorrow he wouldn't be bothered.
Any thoughts?
Thanks,
L x