Finding love with someone who isn't the parent of your kids

[KnotOnMyWatch]

Can you give me your examples?

Won't go into the whole thing but I need a bit of hope! Those of you who found love again, with someone who isn't the parent of your kids, do you feel as strongly about them? Is your relationship better?

I'm worried that you can't be as close to, share that bond with etc... Another person. Do you love your current partner as much as or more than you did your child's parent?

Do you still hold something for them, knowing they are the parent of your children? Or are you much happier now?

It is absolutely possible to love someone as much or even more strongly than the other parent of your children.

Ex and I separated about 1.5 years ago. Through our relationship, at least until the last three or four years, I didn't think it would be possible to love anyone more than him. However, when our relationship started to deteriorate, my feelings for him completely changed, and it was almost like the love I had for him dripped away and was forgotten or outweighed somehow by the shit he was.

I happened to meet someone about three months after we separated, and I can absolutely say that what I feel for my new (newish - we've been together over a year) partner completely blows what I had with my STBXH out of the water. I don't know whether it's because we're older, and therefore more mature in our personality and how we negotiate our relationship, but I have honestly never loved anyone as much as I love him.

The only thing I feel for my ex now is pity, and certainly don't feel anything towards him because of our children. He sees them once a week, often cancels in preference of doing some leisure activity or other (he's taken to doing triathlons...predictable mid-life crisis sorts of things), and I predict it won't be long before the excuses mean he doesn't see them at all.

I do feel some regret that I didn't meet my current partner earlier, because I would have loved to have had children with him (I'm 45 and definitely too old for more children), but I've kind of written that off as something that wasn't meant to be.

Been divorced 7 years. Re-married for 5. Like the pp I feel sad that Dh and I will never have children together and that we have missed out (too old now), I feel loss at not having shared that with him.

I don’t have any kind of bond with my exh. I feel sad that we couldn’t make it work. We are amicable as always have been, but now dc are getting older we have so little to do with each other that it often feels sad that we share something so special yet we are pretty much strangers now.

I don’t think I love my Dh any more or less than exh. Love is love. But it is different. Being with my exh always felt like hard work and a bit square peg round hole. We were in love but we argued a lot and lost respect for each other. Dh and I are so much more compatible, we are much much happier than exh and I ever were. So no, I don’t love my exh more or less, it’s different. What matters is I am happier, calmer and more content.

I also thought my exh would be the love of my life, we were tougher 15 years and it’s hard to see past that, especially when you first split. They are there through some crucial steps of your life.

But when you fall in love again you just start a new phase and make new memories and milestones.

New DH is amazing. 11 years together. DS was 3 when we met. Good stuff does happen!

I feel like my relationship with DP is on a completely different plane to the one I had with XH.

The way he loves my kids, the things he does for them, completely voluntarily, even though they are not his, creates a strong bond between them and cements our relationship further.

Thanks. Do you feel like you are as close to your current partner as you were to your ex/child's parent though you aren't able to share a child with them?

My current dh is so much better with my kids than their actual father. He genuinely cares about them and wants whats best for them, he's concerned about their schooling, health and welfare. A damn site more than there biological Dad.

To answer your question, I'm closer to my dh than I was to my kids father. We have a much stronger bond. Having kids doesn't necessarily mean you'll be closer to their Dad. That's down to the individual and the relationship. I've never felt so lonely as I did when I was married and living with the kids and their father

Oh god yes, when you find the right person it's so easy

I dated a few men but never wanted them to even look at pictures of my kids.

I love my boyfriend more than I ever loved my ex husband, I adore him, respect him and it's lovely
He's great with my kids but never oversteps
I would trust him over anyone

I promise there will be someone out there who you will love and who loves you

Too old for children with DP, which makes me a little sad as he would have loved another if we had met when we were younger but definitely have a great bond that has grown from seeing him and my DD develop their own bond, slowly, without my intervention. He really does love her, and it's been so lovely seeing that develop. He'd do anything for her (and spoils her a little) and it's so heartwarming.

I love my dh and appreciate how lucky I am to have met him but if I’m really honest, we each love our own children more than each other’s and that puts a barrier between us in so many ways. If we loved the same kids, life would be perfect.

I love DP more than I loved my DCs dad. I think I settled first time round but I haven't this time. We won't have DCs together but neither of us want more so we don't feel we are missing anything. He's just amazing and the love of my life!