Have you ever been the fall back girl?

[orangleblossom]

When did you realise and what did you do about it? How did it work out. Thanks x

I have been that person,, he had a girlfriend who he never mentioned, but got all his emotional support and a lot of attention from me in work hours. We were very good friends, soulmates but he was silent weekends and evenings.

I knew I had to cut loose as I had developed feelings, I told him I had to distance myself and why. I went cold turkey. It was a huge wrench but I was so glad I did it so I was emotionally available to meet somebody else.

Thanks@morriseysquif.
Why did he do that? Did he not get his emotional needs met elsewhere or was it an ego boost. Did you ever find out why he did that? .
I like the idea of releasing as I don't feel that I can move until we go back to a mutual platonic equal friendship without the
intensity. It feels rude not to respond even though sometimes that's what I think would be for the best.

I don't know, I know he enjoyed my company (we had a mutual music love and he used to visit to attend and stay with me) We got on very well, we just clicked. His girlfriend was much much younger, and had some physical and mental health problems so he had to there for her and then I was there for him.... but he hardly ever talked about her and I read into that what I secretly hoped for, which was silly.

Then one night I was out with my boss at an event and she got quite drunk and told me all about this man she loved, who had a partner but they were the soulmates and she was waiting for him to see her as something other than a great friend....after 7 years!
I stood listening to her thinking this will be me and then thinking, this WILL NOT be me, I was still young and single and wanted to meet somebody and have a family.

One night he was visiting and told me his girlfriend was moving in and that was it really, I had to cut loose.

You sound mutually dependent but you will never find your own happiness if it caries on.Do you want to meet somebody? Imagine yourself in five years time, how does that feel? This relationship is stunting your emotional health.

I think you're right and that is exactly what I needed to hear @morriseysquif .Thank you.
His Partner also has physical and mental health issues and while I am sure he is caring and considerate to her needs, she puts no pressure on him sexually which is very important to him .
I would like to meet someone special.
It s not him but I feel that he regularly encourages me to wait and take my time and not to go out with x, y or z as he thinks they are not right for me.

It s not him but I feel that he regularly encourages me to wait and take my time and not to go out with x, y or z as he thinks they are not right for me.

Well if you do pursue other people, who is there for him? It is very selfish behaviour.

I think mine knew how I felt (a good friend said to him you and Morriserry should be together, it is so obvious, he asked if I had said so to her and she said I didn't have to, she could just see it) It was a huge ego boost, which he fed.

I sent him a card telling him I was developing feelings and had to withdraw and the email response was so cold, almost flippant....I remember reading it thinking, I don't know this person, which I never did, I only knew the person he presented to me, he kept a whole side of himself secret.

You deserve a mutually loving relationship with somebody, we all do!
PM me if you need any further support.

He is using you as an emotional prop and is well aware of your feelings towards him. As PP have said you need to be emotionally available for the man who wants to be in a relationship with you - not the man who messages you behind his girlfriends back.

Has his GF ever told you they don’t have sex? You have no idea what’s going on because this man is an odd fish of a friend. He is an attention seeker. I have a few male friends and they mean as much to me as my female friends but constant messaging and knowing it upsets his GF as it’s so much, he sounds like an egoist.

Thanks @morriseysquif. I will.
I can see that he is selfish and loves attention.