Discovered my DH is a gambling addict

[Hg30]

Hi, just looking for help or advice as I'm currently feeling lost and my heart is in so much pain.
Just discovered my husband has a serious gambling problem, we're talking thousands of pounds. I don't know what to do or where to start and I have no idea if I have any options. It seems he is a compulsive liar who physically can't tell me the truth about any of it. How can I find out who he owes money to and how much? I have his bank details but there is so many transactions going back years I don't know where to start.
He currently pays for our house and I work part-time since having our baby. I have no family who can currently help who I can go live with.
Any advice would be appreciated as I can't talk to anyone in real life. NC as to be honest I'm quite embarrassed.

Sorry to hear you’re going through this. I found out similar about my DP. Make him sign up to clearscore, that will show you all his debt. I doubt he will tell you the truth, mine would never admit he had a problem despite spending £2000 in a day at one point.
Does he recognise he’s an addict and that he has a problem?

Thank you for replying, I will definitely look into clearscore. He says he has hit rock bottom and doesn't want this life anymore and is seeking help so I guess that's a step in the right direction. Will never know if he's telling the truth

At least he’s admitting there’s a problem and seeking some help, I hope he follows through with that.
There’s a few free credit checking sites you can use, they will tell you the amount of debt and who it’s owed to. I really think that’s the best way to start as then you’ll have the whole truth on the money side of things.

www.gamcare.org.uk/
They were an amazing lifeline when I discovered my ex’s addiction. The bottom line however is it doesn’t matter what you do or want unless he is ready to address his addiction. Step one for me was getting g clarity of the size of the issue, the risk/exposure they had (remember any debt is the addicts debt you can’t bail them out).
Top tips

1. sign up to all 3 credit agencies and have monthly reports sent to your email address
2. depending how he is gambling notify that he’s an addict and block. You can set up notification that if they try to open new accounts you will be notified
3. limit access to “free cash” some people go as far as having salaries paid into an account which can only be accessed with consent/ or an allowance is paid.

I don’t envy you it’s bloody hard work to get clean, repay the debt and that’s before you try to rebuild the trust. I tried and thought we had been successful but ex moved on from gambling to OW (plural). The need for secrets and deception that were the norm with gambling was too great a pull.
I wish you well

Contact Gamcare, their website has a forum for friends and family (www.gamcare.org.uk/forum/family-friends/) and they have a helpline for friends and family and they can set you up with some free counselling sessions to help you. They can also give you lots of advice on what to do and where to access help.

Also find out if there is a gamanon meeting for friends and family near you.

Sadly compulsive lying is part and parcel of gambling addiction. You need to take full control of all finances and get credit reports from all the agencies - Clearscore, Experian and I think there’s another one. I can pretty much guarantee there will be more debt he hasn’t told you about.

Ideally, he should be attending gamblers anonymous at the very least. But if he dues the want to stop, there’s very little you can do except protect yourself and get help for you.

Above all, remember you didn’t cause his compulsive gambling, you can’t control it and you can’t cure it - that has to come from him.

I discovered my ex was a compulsive gambler 2 and a half years ago. Feel free to PM me if you want to chat further.

Whatever you do, work to protect yourself financially, now and in the future.

Its gruelling I think, at a time when you're in so much shock/pain, but get whatever help you can from outside agencies to do this. Including legal advice if you're planning to leave.

Its your call. But personally, I would never trust a compulsive gambler, and I would extricate myself legally from one as soon as practically possible.

Just found out mines a sex addict . Feel your pain x

Thank you so much for your replies! I've screenshot the comments so will need to start making some decisions. I am in so much shock/pain right now but I have a little toddler to think about. I've phoned gamcare and it was a relief so talk about it out loud to someone.

Just don't take it on yourself to "fix" him.

Addictions are often deep rooted, and only can be faced head on when the addict is fully engaged in recovering. And can only be done by themselves.

Your focus needs to be completely on yourself here. Separate yourself in every way you can financially, and don't keep his secret.