I dont even know where to start. Me and my boyfriend started dating nearly a year ago. During the first couple of weeks he admitted to taking drugs, but reassured me he was on the mend and had been sobering up. He made it seem less of a issue than it really was, until he started going on intense binges to the point where he couldnt get up to go to our dates the next day and would leave me wondering whether he would show up at all or not. Then within the first 3 months of our relationship I got pregnant and discovered his true colours. He was cold, unsympathetic and told me to have an abortion and that I'd get over it eventually. Instead of being there for me through the pregnancy which was a horrific experience as they thought it was an ectopic pregnancy so I was in and out of hospital the whole time, he was doing drugs heavy, at work and after it. I would only see him when he came to mine at midnight off his face, have sex with me then go to sleep and disappear in the morning. I was chasing him making sure he was okay and no one was there to ask if I was. My heart was broken by this, I felt I had no other choice given my family and himself were being unsupportive. I've been raised in a broken home with no relationship with my farther and didnt want that for my child, I wanted him/her to be brought up in a loving home with a father figure. I felt so cornered, helpless and alone. Against my will, given all the factors in my life at that moment; I decided it was the best, although not necessarily right thing to do. During one of our arguments he basically told me the pregnancy was too much for him and not his problem, and abandoned me. Once I told him I was having an abortion he became alot more supportive and present, and suddenly without a word of what happened or an apology he was there by my side again. Months went by and he never mentioned what happened, it has all been swept under a rug. My boyfriend continued to do drugs, but this time instead of respectfully keeping it away from me he would come back to me in a state, after a massive arguement he told me he would stop, that he wanted to get better and wouldn't make me feel like hes choosing a substance over me. My home life got quite bad and my boyfriend offered for me to live with him, throughout that time I realised although he had loosened up on the drug taking he had began drinking. Drinking to the point that he couldnt keep a job. Since he left his originally job where I have met him he hasn't been able to hold down one as of yet. Because he has no sense of responsibility and decides if a job isn't to his liking he wont continue, despite owing his parents rent and asking me continounsely to give him money for his insurances and loans. Every date has been paid by me and it's got ridiculous. He makes no effort to surprise me. For valentines day he gave me dead flowers. He doesnt take me out to romantic places and doesnt ever decide on dates. For my birthday I had to pay for the end of the night because he ran out of money, yet he somehow still finds a way to continuously drink. When I brought this up to his attention it would turn into nasty arguments where he accuses me of being controlling, gets defensive and turns it around making it seem like I'm trying to keep him from his friends. He denies having a drinking problem and claims everyone of a 23yr old age goes out at least 3 times a week and gets drunk. He makes me feel like I'm overreacting and going crazy. He just seems to have no care at all. About his job, about our could of been child , about our relationship and importantly me. Everytime we had one of these arguments I would ask him whether I was wasting my time and whether he wanted this relationship to which he would reply I dont know. We both agreed I would move back to mine on some days to give him space but I'm losing my mind. This relationship has drained and dragged me down, I'm so emotionally unstable to the point I dont recognise myself. I dont remember the last time I've felt happy and cant believe I've let someone treated me like this. I've lost my job as I've too depressed to go in over this all and now I'm a empty shell. I miss the baby I carried and it doesnt help that when I brought up my abortion during one of our rows my boyfriend denied every leaving me, and said that he was planning to come back. He makes it seem like it's all in my head, and I'm just devastated that in his head he really isn't at fault for anything. If I dare say something he accuses me of painting him like the villian and calls my behaviour tiring. I'm just really at my wits end, I dont know what to do. I have nothing going for myself and I feel like I've let myself and my baby down so much. What do I do know? How do I go about life with nothing left? I'm currently with him right now but I'm just so tired of being upset. The constant lies and manipulation around his addictions have me so insecure and paranoid. The days that I was going home to give us space I know hes using to do drugs even though he promised me he wouldn't and he would work on himself. I'm at a complete dead end. I've sacrificed my mental well being, money and my baby all for him. And now I have nothing. I'm sorry for this being long but I really wanted to include everything I've gone through in this short span of nearly a year with him.