Does your husband/partner stop being overly friendly with someone who’s treated you badly?

[Howow]

Does your husband/partner stop being overly friendly with someone who’s treated you badly?

Example = name of enemy is Bob

Say, you ask DP to stop initiating conversation with Bob. NOT asking DP to blank Bob if Bob approaches DP and initiates conversation (but Bob never does anyway) Or be rude to Bob.

DP only knows Bob via me but them two have never spoken. DP has taken to going out of the way to greet Bob just to spite me for trying to tell him who he can and cannot speak to. BUT:

1. He wouldn’t have met Bob (my neighbour) if it wasn’t for me
2. I’ve never asked him not to greet any other people ever. He can do whatever he wants with regards to everyone else.
3. if it was someone he knew and was friends with, I would be unlikely to ask him to stop talking to the person due to me.

Bob hasn’t done anything very terrible but is uncomfortable to be around as he takes without asking, is rude/unreasonable about parking, and a few other annoyances. Also, Bob completely ignores DP every time DP speaks to him anyway.

I’m upset he’s continuing his behaviour just to almost spite me. Shouldn’t couples have each other’s backs? I’m not asking him to be mean to bob. Just not to initiate small talk with him.

I was kind of with you until I realised it was about a nuisance neighbour, who sounds like they are no emotional or physical threat to you.

In this case, I think you were petty and if I was your DP I would be giving you the side eye (although I wouldn't be spiteful enough to deliberately seek out Bob - I'd say that behaviour would be grounds for you to end the relationship; who wants to be with this sort of passive aggressive wind up merchant?)

Yes I would expect my DP to have my back, no exceptions, as I would for him.

The answer is yes. My ex didn’t have my back and that’s why he’s an ex

My fiance would have nothing to do with or speak to anyone who had upset me.

I think you've posted about this before?

Yes, your DP is undermining you. You need to work out why. But I think you know. He's a twat.

Sorry, I cant really see what your neighbour has done to make you want to blank him in such a manner.
To me it does sound more like you have taken a dislike to the person and now you want everyone to fall into line.
What if your DH said I want you to like him cause I do, would you feel that was acceptable?
Sorry, unless more serious things have happened then it sounds like you are being controlling

I'd be really disappointed if I had to ask my husband not to speak to someone. Hes got my back and wouldn't speak to someone who'd upset me but at the same time I wouldn't stop speaking to someone over nothing, this neighbour must have done something really bad

I think that a bit more info is needed.

1. What has bob done? You say nothing terrible but also say treated you badly. We can't tell if he's been a dick to you or if you're being a bit over dramatic.

1. When you say he's going out of his way to speak to him, can you give an example? Short of him stopping him in the street for a chat I don't know what this could mean.

Because in principle, if Bob has been horrible to you and your DP is actively trying to be extra friendly to him then I don't understand why he isn't an ex-DP.

Are you saying he's more nice to Bob than he was previously? If so he's undermining you, being spiteful and isn't a very nice person.

I'd be really disappointed if I had to ask my husband not to speak to someone. Hes got my back and wouldn't speak to someone who'd upset me but at the same time I wouldn't stop speaking to someone over nothing, this neighbour must have done something really bad

This. Said it much better than me!!

Blanking people is a bit silly, isn't it?

I'm perplexed by this bit: DP only knows Bob via me but them two have never spoken. DP has taken to going out of the way to greet Bob just to spite me for trying to tell him who he can and cannot speak to.

So, even though DP was previously not saying anything to Bob, you told him he never should? And after that, he's started making a point of saying hello etc?

My ex-husband stopped talking to someone who dissed me to him - so yes, I would absolutely expect my husband to have my back. I wouldn't be telling anyone who they can and can't speak to though.

Your 'partner' (he's not exactly Butch to your Sundance, is he?) sounds lime he doesn't like you much, and it sounds like you might be a bit controlling - telling him to not initiate a conversation with someone he hasn't ever spoken to? eh? what was the point of that?

No, he was always saying hello to Bob but Bob always ignored him. This happened a few times before I asked DP to stop talking to him.

I am gonna be honest I wouldnt be impressed if dp told me I couldnt say hello to someone, who hadnt actually done anything wrong to him, just a bit annoying.

But I take it this vindictive of a deeper problem in the relationship.

DP has taken to going out of the way to greet Bob just to spite me for trying to tell him who he can and cannot speak to.

No, he was always saying hello to Bob but Bob always ignored him. This happened a few times before I asked DP to stop talking to him.

You said both. So if he did it before you told him not to, he isnt doing it to spite you. He is doing what he always did and not taking your request on board.

But I take it this vindictive of a deeper problem in the relationship.

Not vindictive...indicative.

I don't really understand the dynamics here, but - being charitable - is it possible that DP is trying to smooth things over with Bob by being deliberately polite & reasonable?