Making the first move

[notanadultyadult]

Hi all

Long time lurker first time poster so please go gentle.

Bit of an overview -

I split with dad of DD last year after a very long term relationship. I ended things as we'd grown apart and I had been unhappy for some time probably years but wasn't ready to end it until then. He was probably unhappy during the relationship too. Since then we've both moved on with life but still speak for DD.

Since then there has been a couple of very casual things with guys through friends of friends but none that went anywhere. I didn't make the first move which was nice as I wouldn't know where to start as I've been out of the dating game a long time.

A guy tried to add me on FB years and years ago but I declined as due to my job at that time I may have ended up dealing with him and his partner for work and it wouldn't have been appropriate as they'd have been 'clients'. Don't want to explain more in case I out myself. I'm not in that job anymore and haven't been for a few years.

Anyway a few weeks ago he added me on FB again and I accepted as work is no longer an issue since changing jobs. I live in a town where everyone knows everyone and we have mutual FB friends and RL acquaintances.

Since then he has posted lots of things which interest me, I think he's a good looking guy and I'd like to get to know him better. I've had a look stalk through his FB and I'm pretty sure he's single although it looks like him and DP got married and then divorced in 2017.

I'd like to message him and see ask if he'd like to get to know each other a bit better and then maybe meet for a drink or something to eat. I'd like to message a bit first as we really don't know anything about each other except what's out there on FB but I have no idea what to say.

Is it weird to message him directly through FB messenger now after 3 weeks?

I feel I should have done this when he first added me but I didn't know I was interested until recently when I've been seeing his posts. It's like that ship has sailed but would have been the perfect opener especially as he added me.

How would I start the conversation?

I've never had to make the first move and so I go to do it and then panic and chicken out. I feel like some silly school girl with a crush who's too shy to act on it

What would you do?

Sorry that came out longer than I thought

Hi OP,

What have you got to lose by messaging him? I say go for it!
He wanted to add you on FB so I would take that as him being interested.
Why not just say something casual and ask something about one of his posts, 'such and such looks like a nice place, I'd love to go there would you recommend it?' or something similar about one of the other posts that interest you.
Hopefully this will strike up conversation and as you get more friendly you will naturally both want to meet up.
Good luck!

I agree, message him but just keep it casual and ask him about stuff he has posted. Then just see how the conversation progresses. I reckon you will get a fairly good idea if he's interested.

One word required: “Coffee?”.

Starlight has put it perfectly.

Thanks for the advice. I've finally braved it and messaged him. I'll let you know if I hear back.

Trying to stay calm but just want to turn my phone off and hide

Yes please let us know!

Good luck OP.

Ok so he messaged back he's single and we had a bit of a message.

At first he thought it was a wind up and one of his friends had got me to message him, so that was a bit awkward

When he realised I was being serious he said he'd never been asked out and that's why he thought it was a joke and I said I wasn't in the habit of asking so that's a first for both of us and that was a nice ice breaker.

He seems quite interested in me too and said he'd always though I was nice.

I didn't want to over do it, and I've got an early morning so I explained that and said I was off to bed and he's said he'll message me tomorrow.

I'm off to bed with a smile on my face.

Thanks for the encouragement. It was definitely worth putting myself out there.

We need a like button!

OP, ‘hope that very soon you will be getting out of bed with an even bigger smile on your face.

Yay! Love these threads. Fair play to you.

Thanks for the well wishes.

All going well so far

Rather nice that we can message to get to know each other before meeting up, seeing as we're now having to be social distancing ourselves

3 weeks and he’s not sent any dick pics? Sounds like a good start!

Look through his previous Facebook posts, before he added you. Do you think the recent ones ‘that interest you’ could have been aimed at you?

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It's funny you should say that. He sent me a picture yesterday with no warning and I was so dubious about opening it in case it was the dreaded dick pic.

It was a picture of his leg as he's recently had a tattoo. I joked about what I thought he was sending me and that I nearly didn't open it.

He then sent me a pic of a duck saying he's not that sort of guy and into sending those sort of things but that duck pictures are ok. I think I like him even more after that!

Lol, he sounds ok!