Adult children of emotionally immature parents...

[lolaflores]

This a book I heard about on a true crime podcast, My Favourite Murder. A description I have made of my childhood was that I was raised by a child. Then I read this.
It was like someone had been following me, writing down all the aspects of my life since early childhood. Even my abusive and bullying brother further compounded by my DF dying when we were young. I think he may have been a buffer to her...or maybe not.
I have spent hours in therapy. The anxiety and depression, sense of isolation and general not here feeling has been explained. THe low self worth, the drink, the sex, the pretty much everything.
It acknowledges that my mother didn't mean it as it was inherited from her own parents but I want it to stop. I am terrified of becomeing or having been such a shit parent.
Anyway, its been so, so useful, I want people to know about it. Or if you have read it, what are your thoughts.
I genuinely feel released from all the bullshite that I have burdened myself with and convinced myself was my fault and all I deserved. Sneaking suspicion my DH has had an almost identical parent.

Thanks for the recommendations I will read it!

Having read so many books and had vast amounts of therapy, I cant recommend it enough. In fact, I am pacing myself reading not as the feelings that are getting unlocked are intense.

I've read it and found it helpful.
Have you also read Toxic Parents by Susan Forward?

Thanks for posting this. I identify with so much of what you have said. I have a question, does the book just offer explanations and insights or does it give you advice on how to overcome your the low self esteem, depression etc?

I feel like I have a very good understanding of why I am the way I am (I have read lots of books and had lots of therapy) but I'm finding it harder to break free of my past and change things.

It sounds like you've struggled a lot, I'm sorry to hear that. Have you checked out the stately homes thread on here?

What’s the book called?

It does indeed provide ways to manage the damage...I think I'll put that on a shirt.

I have been on stately homes a lot and found it such a helpful place and understanding too but I have always felt this emptiness. I work in social care with drug misuse etc and my degree was in psychology and I k ew it was all from my own damage. People always say I am a marvel in a crisis but as I reflect its because I can shut down in a blink and then carry the fall out quite easily as I have so m8ch room to carry unprocessed bullshit. I dont even notice or need to notice it. Cos it doesn't matter!
Amazing.
The title of the book is Adult children of emotionally immature parents. I got it on kindle and i am going to recomme d it to my sisters. We all o ow something wasnt right with DM but this just nails it.