We’ve been married two years, together for seven, and have a baby under 1 year old.
I’m at the point where I just don’t see why we are together. I feel like giving up. Im on maternity, DH works full time over 4 days so he’s home for the other three. On his days off he always sleeps in til 10/11. I’m up at 5/6/7 with the baby. Yesterday I made breakfast and he literally came down, ate and went back to bed til 11! He also doesn’t change nappies, gets angry if I ask him to try resettling baby if he wakes after bedtime...
And then to our relationship. I’m not insecure or needy but I think a certain amount of effort is required from both parties to keep a relationship going. I have always paid him compliments, been touchy feely, given affection but it literally never comes from him (though he used to be affectionate or I wouldn’t have bloody married him!).
I basically have to ask for a kiss or cuddle these days. He doesn’t seem to want to spend time with me and the baby, he sits on his phone watching tv and does his own hobbies. Fair enough it’s important to each have our own interests but surely there’s a balance too right??
We also have differing opinions and views politically. E.g, we both voted remain but I was of the opinion that despite my vote, the government was right to follow brexit as that’s what the result of the referendum was. (Please don’t anyone turn this into a thread on politics I’m just stating we have opposing views) and with coronavirus, I believe in not panicking, taking necessary precautions where we can and just keeping calm. He on the other hand is glued to the news and is taking it very very seriously to the point it’s all he talks about.
He didn’t like the fact I was so “uninterested” in the coronavirus news and had a go at me earlier this week about it, saying I had an answer for everything and he’s fed up of me not being interested. He’s said similar about brexit. I said it’s perfectly ok for a couple to have different views as long as we respect the other. I said of course I take it seriously because I’ve decided not to go to cafes and I’m staying in more, I just don’t feel the need to panic and especially not go to the shops and panic buy. I feel like I have to explain myself and go all round the houses. I don’t think this is normal!
And then just general stuff - he never initiated affection anymore (is always me wanting a cuddle or a kiss) doesn’t say good morning, doesn’t kiss me in the morning, never asks how I am, how I’m doing doesn’t take an interest in what I’m doing, just always talks about himself, how he’s feeling and what he’s doing. And I take an interest and respond appropriately hoping I’ll get the same back but I never do.
If I ever express that I’m not happy and feel he’s not making an effort I get lectured that he goes out to work (even though I’m on paid leave!) that I’m always moving goalposts and it’s never enough. He says women always change once they have a baby (well of course we do!!)
I realised this week that I get more out of my relationships with my family of origin and my friendships than I do my marriage. Those people ask how I’m doing, take an interest in me, and I feel good about those relationships. When our baby achieved a milestone this week the first person I thought to tell was my mum. I have no interest in being around DH anymore. He knows how I feel with regard to him not making an effort and yet he still doesn’t bother. He is incredibly unreasonable and overly defensive and so quick to criticise me but never says anything positive - never tells me he’s proud of me or that I’m doing a good job as a new mum, when we argue it’s so awful, he shouts and swears and it wears me down. We can argue over the smallest thing and it’s usually because he’s misinterpreted something or doesn’t like how I’ve said or done something.
I’ve even started half planning to leave - trying figure out the logistics of it all, how I can leave, finances. Personally I feel he’s emotionally abusive and there’s a lot more I could write but I feel this post is long enough. The thought of being without him makes me happy, but I can’t bear to be apart from our baby, especially as he doesn’t bother, and treats me how he does, I feel like I can’t trust him with baby.