Long post, sorry.
What to do?!
I love my husband very much, we have been married for 20 years, we have 3 children ranging from ages 7 - 15.
We’ve always had a close relationship, we enjoy each other’s company, like the same things...holidays, drinking, eating, family fun stuff and we’ve had a heathy sex life, but the last couple of years sex has become almost none existent.
I brought this up around 12 months ago when we hadn’t had sex for around 10 weeks.
He said he was busy and his mind was on other things. We both have full time jobs, his is his own business, so I guess a little more stressful at times.
We agreed to make more time for each other and things were ok for a couple of months, then we hit a dry patch again.
And the same thing, I bring it up and it’s fixed for a couple of months.
I don’t mean during these couple of months we’re having sex every couple of days (chance would be a fine thing!) but maybe once a fortnight.
It’s happened again, we have been intimate twice since November. I know for some that is normal and ok, but not for me.
I spoke to him about it a week ago, asked if it was me, explained that I feel unwanted, undesirable, etc, or was it sex in general that he’s not interested in. He said of course it’s neither, he’ll make more effort etc and we carry on making dinner. Usually that evening some effort would be made, however not this evening.
A couple of days ago, we were off work, children were at school.
We were going out for lunch and I suggested before we left home, we had some time together and got intimate. He kind of sighed and said “oh really, now?”
I got angry and swore saying “ffs, when is a good time then?”
To which he then followed me out of the bedroom saying “ok then, come on”
I got angry and upset and shouted to forget it because it’s clear he can’t be bothered or doesn’t want to and that we are like room mates, just co-habiting and co-parenting.
I calmed down, we still went out for lunch, we had a great afternoon actually, eating, drinking, collected the children from school and we played board games that evening and had lots of fun with them.
I thought perhaps tonight would be the night, but alas, no and still nothing since.
I’m 100% confident he’s not having an affair, so he’s not getting it elsewhere.
From my point of view, it’s really starting to become a big issue for me and is driving a wedge between us.
As I’m typing this i’m thinking “actually, we don’t hug or hold hands anymore, and don’t go out of our way to kiss each other “hi” or “goodbye” either.
No idea what to do next. I know if I bring it up again, I’ll get upset and angry and too be honest, I’m sick of being the one who is bothered and has to bring it up time and time again!
Not sure what I’m expecting in terms of responses, but good to get it off my chest!
TIA