Hi mumsnet,
This is my first post, but I’ve read some of the good advice given here to others, and was hoping to get some for my own problem.
From ages 18-23 I was with my first longterm boyfriend. It ended because he cheated on me, but over the two years following he pursued me and we tried again. At the end of 2019 we broke up again after he had an emotional affair. I cut him off for 9 months nc and he moved away. I was getting happier and dating, but he was always in the back of my mind.
A few months ago he got in touch again because he had moved to my area. I was in a much better place, and was keen to be civil (this sounds weak I know, I blame it on being my ‘first love’). Since then we’ve met up occasionally, but I know I am much more emotionally invested than him and I think I still love him, and it’s starting to stop me from dating new people as I am always comparing what I have with them to what I had with him.
I know I need to break it off and stop being friends, but it’s so hard. He was the cornerstone of university and my first job and I feel a bit lost without him. We live in a different country now from my family and I feel comforted by having him around.
I am very aware this sounds very pathetic when written out. I promise I have self esteem, friends, a good job and never show any of this to him or the outside world. I just don’t know how to move on and stop comparing potential new partners to what we had at our peak, which I thought would last forever. Even when we didn’t see each other over those 9 months I still felt this.
So please, wise people of mumsnet, please give me your inspiring stories of how you got over your first love. Any advice is welcome!