Clingy friend

[FreshFancyFrogglette]

Hi, I have a male friend who has a lot of issues. I feel sorry for, and did used to like, however recent things have put me off and I'm sort of wondering what u would do in this situation.

I used to have a bad drinking problem, but I've cleaned up massively. We were friends from that time. He still drinks to excess, but is also a nice, kind person ( I think!). He messages a lot on Facebook, and I am polite, but when I don't reply he's started to get quite emotionally manipulative, and posts statuses about being ignored and how everyone hates him. I've called him up on it, and he apologies and is calm for a while. Then it starts off again. It's really started to wind me up to the point I am about to snap at him. He comments on my newsfeed stuff aswell, just pokey stuff, trying to get me to react.. A couple of times drunk he's come on way too strong, and I've firmly told him I don't find him attractive, there will never be anything more than friendship. Then he starts a guilt trip "you're too good for me, of course you don't like me, so sorry, my bad..", and all is OK for a while, then it starts up again "no one ever comes and visits me" (not true, I do, just not as often as I did), "why doesn't anyone like me? ", I do feel sorry for him, but at the same time I can't take full responsibility for his emotional well being.

How would u act in this situation? Its really started to get me down, I know it sounds silly, but there's a nasty edge to some of the stuff he says, always probing about when I'll get another boyfriend, (my last ex was physically abusive), and that he's "too nice", and the nice guys never get the girl etc etc. Guilt tripping me and making me feel bad if I don't respond to messages. It's really started to piss me off, and I've said so. Should I block him? Would that be unreasonable? Id feel mean doing it, but am running out of options and patience. Sorry, this is partly advice and partly letting off steam. It's wound me up today. Usually I can handle it.

I would just block and move on. He will always behave this way and it is clearly bringing you down. Do what is best for you and cut him out of your life.

Thanks. don't want to do it, but running out of options. I just worry that he'll end up drinking himself to death, or killing himself at some point, and that would be fucking awful. Don't know how I'd live with it. But at the same time he seems incapable of having a normal friendship.

Come off of SM and block him.

What's 'SM'?!

Social media.

You shouldn't come off social media (why let him deprive you of your connections?), but do block him.

He sounds like a misogynist.

I think there’s a good case for blocking him, as he sounds obsessive. It sounds like you’re able to be straight with him (even if it doesn’t always quite get the message across) so perhaps you could tell him that you’re finding his contact very draining and are needing to take a break.

He is not a nice guy.

If he drinks himself to death it is in no way your fault AT ALL. It will be sad and a waste of a life but you have zero responsibility in this.

I would send him a message saying 'dear X, I have asked you before to stop your emotional games, you have not done so. It is emotionally draining and is not a healthy friendship therefore I am going to block you.

I recommend you spend some time on your emotional and physical well being and hope you come out stronger for it on the other side.

I am sorry it has come to this but please do not try to contact me again.

Then block. I think giving him an answer will stop him trying to find answers as you have given them.

It sounds like he really needs help with his drinking problem and that he's in a vicious cycle of depression and paranoia and uses alcohol to self medicate, which of course will make the whole thing worse. Have all his other friends got bored of it and he sees you as someone he can lean on?
Either way it isnt your problem he is just a friend and you have a right to choose who you spend your time with. He needs professional help and it's not fair on you to put that sort of emotional pressure on you. For your own mental health you should step away from him maybe recommend a professional body such as AA, if you think he won't react badly to it.

Thank you everyone. It's a hard situation. I feel responsible for him. But also getting to the point where my patience has run out. He knows I feel sorry for him. And is playing on that. For context here are the sort of messages. Am pretty sure he's not on here, have made them annoynmous anyway. Some are harmless. But t th reds a peristancy, and dark edge to them which I'm starting to find increasingly annoying. I think I'll give it one more chance for a norm friendship, and if there is any hint of emotional blackmail then I will do as malachy suggests and message that with a block on social media.

No, he has had his "one more chance" already, I would find those kinds of messages incredibly manipulative and pushy. Don't put up with it any longer, you are not there to fulfill his emotional needs.

Thanks, yes maslinpan they are. I'm a softie, but even I have my limits and I can see what he's doing. I don't like being put in that position, glad to see its not just me getting harder faced in my older age. Increasingly attracting men like this into my life. The older I get the more I feel better surrounding myself with women!! (that's light hearted I know not all men are like that, are some women can be too). Just recently I've had some stroppy whiney messages from men because I haven't been replying enough, or making enough time to meet up. Does my head in. I've got a child, don't need adult size ones aswell!

www.reddit.com/r/niceguys/