Feeling low after leaving abusive Husband.

[Fightingback16]

It’s been a year since I left, at the time I didn’t realise it was a abusive. I reached a breaking point in my mental health and I had to go, I never believed he’d caused it. Some of you may remember me on here. I’ve been having crisis after crisis the past few months coming to terms with what’s happened and who I am. The last week my head has been in a spin until yesterday when I just decided to stop spinning, to step back from the rabbit hole. Does this ever get any easier. I’m so tired of having all these emotions. Right now I just feel sad at all the things I could have been but I met him and for 12 years my whole world revolved around him. I know I can’t change what’s happened but it doesn’t stop it from being so unfair.

Plan your future. Live in the now. Think about the future. Not the past. Treat it like a near death experience: make every future second of your life count for more. Start really living.

What will your life be like five years from now?

I’ve been trying to ground myself with what I see now. I think at the moment I can only do a day at a time. The future really daunts me.

Why?

The future is daunting but you have a future and you can now mould it to your needs not his.

I don’t know why, it’s what I wanted.

What do you want out of life? What is a good life?

First of all be gentle with yourself, you have had a rough ride and abusive relationships are very different to ‘normal ‘ relationships.

Read the book by Lundy Bancroft: Why does he do that?

Phone Women’s Aid and see if you can do the Freedom programme or you can do it online.

Research cluster b personality disorders narcissists/sociopaths/psychopaths
You will see how disordered they are and how they twist and project things onto you.

Also look up trauma bonding and codependency.

You have been through a lot, take each day as it comes and you will gradually get stronger and stronger.

We’re all here for you

I completely understand what you're going through. I've been there.

I agree with you on taking it a few hours/a day at a time. Do what feels comforting, comfortable and safe, every day. Keep doing that until your body and mind have calmed. You are in the middle of a maelstrom right now, of course you feel awful. It will take time but everything will calm down.

What did you do today?
Do you work?
Do you have friends/family? Xx

Yesterday I tried to stay on the floor playing with my daughter and really being involved. Today I’m at work. I’m living with my mum at the moment. I’m trying to be involved in the day otherwise it and I just disappear. I thought that I was just breaking down and it’s scary. I’ve been reading and writing about what happened trying to figure it out. But all I’ve done is make myself feel dizzy. My mind and my body remember things very differently. I can talk and write and think urgh idiot and it doesn’t sound much. But then my body literally freezes and goes into shut down and it shutting down my mind also. I need to keep away from these thoughts at the moment. I’m starting trauma therapy next week.

It's worth seeing your GP hun, or if you've been in the past go back. There are loads of things you can try.

You could also try counselling/therapy to help you find your way through what you're experiencing.

None of this is uncommon when you've been in abusive relationship- it's perfectly normal. xxx

It’s very uncomfortable at the moment. I think my own thoughts and emotions are starting to come back and they are independent of him and it’s breaking connections. I’m not used to having thoughts which don’t revolve around him or planted by him. It’s a bit of an internal battle between his programming and my own self. It’s probably the first time in 11 years I’ve actually fought back. I’m going with it anyway, it’s f***g uncomfortable but I refuse to just stand there frozen anymore.

Yes I’m sure it’s uncomfortable. Can you contact your local women’s aid to see if they offer any counselling or know of any agencies that may specialise in abuse.
I left an abusive marriage. It’s tough.
Have you any hobbies or friends to spend time with.
Try and focus on you - be kind to yourself.🌺

I have some help thank you. I thought after time it would all come back by itself but it hasn’t, it’s actually feeling worse. It’s going to take actual physical effort, which is hard on an exhausted mind. I want to live again though so I’m going to have to fight to change the way my brain thinks. I never in a millions years though this was happening to me.