Not sure if it’s me or them....

[Monstermunchers]

Not sure if I’m being a bit dramatic. Been with OH for 5 years. They have a thing about giving me love bites during sex, which I hate. They’re tacky, I hate trying to cover them up for work, hiding them from people and they make me feel like a tramp. I’ve expressed this many times.

The other day OH goes in for a love bite on my neck, I said no loudly and was ignored, which resulted in me having to physically fight them off of me whilst I was pinned to a bed. This is where I can’t work out if I am being dramatic. I was raped years ago, had extensive therapy, OH is aware of all of this. This has triggered something awful in me, spent two days in bits, really struggling. Had a huge row with OH, explained that I feel violated and it was unacceptable, but genuinely not sure if my judgement is clouded by my past experiences.

No I'm afraid it feels like he isn't listening to your NO. My immediate thought was he likes to 'mark' you as his with the love bites. Sounds controlling and I'm so sorry this recent situ set you back so badly. He should know better as you've told him explicitly of your trauma previously.

This is not love.

And it's going to be triggering as it's another man who is not accepting your NO, incessantly. I'd really struggle to stay with him.

I’m not surprised you feel violated - you were. Your sensitivity to having past trauma evoked by even playful holding by a partner is likely to be high. He did something you hate knowing that full well, without your consent and he held you down. I’m really sorry this has happened to you and he is absolutely not worth your time and energy.

He is an absolute cunt.

If you hadn't had experience of sexual trauma he'd be a cunt to do this.

The fact you have just makes it even worse.

Can you really stay with a man you have to fight off because they don't accept you saying no when you're having sex?

I'm a rape survivor myself and the best thing I've ever done is counselling that has allowed me to establish and maintain dealbreakers and boundaries.

Please don't stay with this man.

You'e not being overly dramatic.

You have expressed that you don't want it many times, and you said NO loudly and clearly and you were still ignored, resulting in you having to physically struggle to get him off you. That's sexual assault, and it's very much not okay for anybody to do to anybody.

@Iwonder777 I think it's a same sex relationship due to the use of 'OH' and 'they' in the OP. Not that it matters. The answer is the same. You have specifically and repeatedly vetoed this so I would view it as an assault.

Oh and if he was to have a daughter.

And their boyfriend liked giving love bites.

And his daughter said no but wasn't listened to, to the extent she was being pinned down to the bed and fighting her boyfriend off... would he think that was ok?

Or would he want to rip the boyfriends bollocks off and beat the shit out of him?

My guess is the latter, which makes him abusive and a massive hypocrite.

Absolutely 100% unacceptable.

Just wanted to say that my posts still stand regardless of either partners gender.

Thanks for the reassurances guys.

Good to know I’m not going round the twist. Very grateful for your (unanimous) opinions.

I'm guessing by the use of 'they' this is a same sex partnership or you are possibly even a man who is being assaulted by your female partner. It really doesn't matter which it is.

They are 100% in the wrong and the fact that it has come to a physical fight where you were overpowered, means that you need to end this.

You could go to the police although I am not sure how an attempted love bite would stand up in court. But perhaps a police caution would at least make your partner realise what they have done.

I would be very upset by that experience and I don't have a history of being sexually assaulted. It was appalling.

They are continuing to do something they know that you dislike - that’s bad enough in itself. But the having to fight them off takes it to an even more abusive/unacceptable level. Particularly with your previous history. That’s three big red flags flapping away...