Am I wrong for being angry about this

[Marigoldyellow]

When my BF and I were in our early twenties we made a sex video. I wouldn’t do this now, I don’t think anyone should as there is always a risk it could be seen by others etc. I remember at the time I told him I didn’t feel comfortable with him keeping it on his phone and asked him to delete and he agreed. This morning I caught him watching this video, the 20 year old me having sex. I am angry as not only did he lie to me but I just feel violated by the fact he can watch it whenever he wants? I told him to delete it and he has kicked off saying why don’t I want him to have it as we are meant to be in a relationship etc. Now we are in separate rooms and I’m crying. I don’t think I’m making a big deal out of this, can I have some thoughts please?

No you are not wrong to be angry. I’d feel violated by this too. I’d be telling him to delete it now, I’m front of you, and make sure it’s permanent. He’s your partner, you’re supposed to be able to trust him. What a twat

That's appalling. Is it online anywhere, do you know? Has he stored it to the cloud?

He's not a good man. He doesn't care about your well-being.

You should be angry. You should be beyond angry. You are supposed to be in a relationship, yet he’s lied to you and deceived you and now he’s trying to make you doubt yourself, like you wanting him to delete it is a sign you’re not fully committed to him. This is not a good man.

I think, in your position, I would also mention to him the number of men who have been convicted and imprisoned after distributing ‘revenge porn’, telling him that you won’t hesitate to involve the police if necessary.

Just because you are in a relationship, he doesn't have the right to do whatever he wants with your body whenever he wants to do it. That includes images of you.

Disgusting disrespectful behaviour on his part.

Get hold of his phone and delete it yourself. And delete again if you need to from the deleted items folder

I remember at the time I told him I didn’t feel comfortable with him keeping it on his phone and asked him to delete and he agreed.

He feels entitled to lie to you, violate your privacy, and run roughshod over your boundaries. I would walk away from this massively disrespectful ‘relationship.’