What has helped you cope in staying with a verbally/emotionally partner?

[GoldenCage]

I know the title of the thread sounds crazy, but for numerous reasons I am choosing not to leave. At least not right now anyway. I just wondered for those who have chosen to stay with a verbally/emotionally abusive partner, if there was anything you had done or coping mechanisms you have put into practice that have made the situation more bearable?

The only thing I can suggest is disengaging emotionally. That means not allowing what they're saying or doing to get to you.

Another strategy is counselling for yourself. Somewhere you can vent and work on your self confidence and self esteem which will be suffering if you're living with constant abuse.

And finally, start making plans to leave. Even if you can't leave immediately or in the next few months, you can start working on it. Saving up money, getting advice and information.

I tried several thngs, each time thinking it would make a difference. Non of my strategy worked. I read, googled and sought out information on how I could safe us, and tge relationship. I ended up pinned with anxiety, had concelling and then told him to leave. It's the worst and best thing I have ever done. He immediately started up with someone else who we both had worked with in the past. I truly loved him, because when we were good, we were brilliant. But he eroded my self worth gradually and destroyed my self confidence. Its been over 6 months now and I feel so much better. I am sorry its not what you want to hear. But please be selfish and look after you.

Planning to leave.

Nothing helped, once we split up life was amazing.

Nothing really, just leaving

Perhaps starting to plan your leaving in the meantime will help you OP. Obviously there must be a reason why you cannot do it now. I've been in an ea relationship too and I know it is very difficult to think straight and live under those conditions.

All the best OP

Detaching .
Self-care.
Focusing on sorting out my ducks.
Friendships.
Activities that are meaningful and give me joy.
Keeping my eyes on the prize.
LEAVING.

What are the numerous reasons OP?

It's good to have strategies, detaching emotionally etc, google "grey rock" for a good overview of how to do this.

Just bear in mind that he is very likely to change or ramp up tactics if he senses he isnt hurting you enough anymore :(

My heart goes out to you. Hope you can leave soon.

Counselling would be an excellent starting point. Call woman’s aid they can arrange for your to discuss your plans and thoughts in detail.

disengaging, detaching.. getting on with what I wanted to do, and planning my exit.

Leave as soon as you can, please.

Remember, the things he does/says aren't your fault, ever.

This book
www.goodreads.com/book/show/31702997-emotional-abuse-breakthrough
And she has another with scripts to use which are helpful.
Be safe

Detach. Stop trying to get him to see sense. Just ignore and don't rise to it. Say whatever and walk away.

I am trying to practice 'observe but don't absorb' to help me and my dc to cope with my borderline narcissistic h. We are separated but still have to have a reasonable relationship for the DS we have together who is still young. It difficult as he gets under my skin time and time again but, the more I understand and learn about his behaviour the more equipped I am to recover quicker when he gets up to his tricks. I don't give him the power over my emotions that I used to. My DS is much better at this than I am and can switch on and turn off for his dad with apparant ease. He is much less frightened of him than he used to be but will still jump to attention if he raises his voice. Its so sad to see sometimes. When we speak of him I try to stay respectful whilst allowing my DS to have a rant and acknowledging bad or unfair behaviour. I am hoping that as DS gets older he will be able to understand and rationalise his childhood and make his own choices around contact. I would like to be able to be totally free of him but for now I have to do what I can to keep some kind if peaceful co existence

Goldencage, wishing you strength and the ability to move on, you deserve to be loved.💐
My much loved daughter is in the same predicament as you and pregnant, so have had to try and talk her through when she is beyond upset, it's breaking my heart.