Creepy man is imagining things that never happened

[Trello]

To cut a long story short, I became friends with a much older man at work (30+ years my senior). It started innocent enough, but gradually he he started to change and try for physical affection with me, including holding my shoulders and kissing me on the lips. Insisting on hugs and holding my hand etc. Getting jealous when I spoke to male colleagues. Messaging me with declarations of love etc.... as a result I avoided him whenever I could, which meant changing my work hours to come in later so I wouldn't be alone with him, and stopped messaging him back. All I wanted was a friendship in my new job.

I didn't tell HR because I didn't want the fall out - plus I was worried I would be blamed somehow.

Anyway, he has started to message me outside work again, and said he wants to be friends like the beginning. I said I don't think that's possible because I know what he thinks and what he wants. And I know he will try his luck again.

He then asked 'why did you say you love me when we went to x'

I did not go to x with him or ever say I loved him. He insists this happened, he said he remembers everything but this certainly didn't happen. The fact he's possibly imagining scenarios in his head and thinking they are real concerning me is scaring me. He's in his 60s so I don't know if he has a health condition possibly. But I'm worried about what he's imagining happened between us.

Please report to HR. Its what they're for.

I would bet my bottom dollar he's either already been reprimanded in the past for this behaviour, or that at least one woman will come to you and say he's done the same to her.

No he hasn't insisted on moving my desk, but I have posted before

The world has changed. Don’t be scared of causing a fuss. HR are discreet and confidential. Their job is to believe you and investigate objectively and diplomatically.

EVERYONE would KNOW exactly what is happening here. I bet he has form.

He is v seriously unhinged and is likely now looking to punish you through some sort of campaign at work. Don’t let him do this. Get straight to HR with all of your evidence.

The usual reason for a poster having to post more than once, and being unable to take any of the good advice given is this:

That you haven't told us the full truth and as a result none of the advice actually can help because it doesn't in fact cover your situation.

So why don't you tell us what really happened, or what is it truthfully that is really worrying you?

Tell HR. Tell them you don't want anyone else at work to know about it, pretty sure they have to keep it confidential and he will be told that he isn't allowed to talk about it to others and would get in trouble if he did.

Gavin Debecker has a good bit on this kind of situation in The Gift of Fear.

If you ignore him but respond to the 500th message, you have taught him that it takes 500 messages to get your attention. Tell him once, clearly and unambiguously that you do not want to know him as a friend and all further contact is unwelcome. Then block and ignore.

You would be smart to talk to HR in case he tries to stitch you up at work. He sounds unhinged so I wouldn't bet against that happening.

How are you getting on ?

It’s probably because the op admitted in the last thread to kissing him back “hoping it would make him stop/ leave her alone” or something

That’s not fair PumpkinP many victims of sexual assault behave in ways that they themselves don’t understand in panic just to survive. This man has used his power and privilege in the workplace to groom, hounded, stalk, harass and sexually assault a v young junior employee who was especially emotionally vulnerable after a family tragedy.

She was targeted. He is predatory.

Even if she had had a full blown rampant sexual RS with him - the minute she called it off and he kept hounding and molesting he is guilty of sexual harassment in the work place.

OP, you posted this before. The advice you got then was spot on, why are you posting almost the same thing again? Re-read your previous post advice and act on it. Not sure what you are hoping to hear this time that’s different. Report him to HR asap and stop this in its tracks.

He's devious. He's writing those things to you, to cover his back in case you report him. You'll say those scenarios didn't happen, he'll say they did - it'll be his word against yours. I'd still report him, tell the police too. But to be honest had you reported him before, especially as you'd already been advised to block & report in a previous thread, it possibly wouldn't have got as far as him creating these untruths. I know he's in the wrong and it shouldn't affect your job, but if I were you'd I'd block all contact and be looking for another job.

Also what Gutterton said.

If you feel you can deal with the outcome of this at work then go ahead. You should. If you feel you just want to get away from him tho (after reporting him & awaiting result of course) then that's another story. Hasn't anyone else at work noticed his unprofessional behaviour towards you, by the way?