Need some real advice

[onemoresmartie]

Met a guy on tinder late last year, we met in January first date was good went for dinner and we got on really well, pretty much set up the second date and he brought me flowers to the date which was amazing....anyway 8 weeks later we are in a relationship
He has pushed all along to be in a relationship, exclusive really quickly, said the l word within a couple of weeks and even wanted me to delete my dating apps, he was talking about the future.
He has dc and so do I so we were only really managing to see each other a couple of hours a week, he also lived about 40 miles away
As I'm typing this all out I think it's obvious but I need someone to drum this in.
He finished things with me a couple of days ago as he said he wasn't ready to move on from his ex, he thought he was but the deeper we got he realised he couldn't and that he was sorry x 100 for hurting me etc.
I have a sneaking suspicion no in fact a raw feeling that this whole time he has still been with the mother of his children and I have just been a side piece but why do these men do it?

I think she's found out about me also. I need to block him don't I 😔

I'm so sorry this happened to you OP.

He could have cheated on you, who knows. I think you should concentrate on being kind to yourself and try to heal from this experience.

I was on an emotional roller coaster with someone a few years ago too. My gut feeling was that there was someone else in the picture and I was right. I look back now and think how wrong he was for me. You will get there too

Thanks

I think everything he ever said to me was a lie but it felt so real

That's the worse part

Something similar happened to me OP apart from only he had DC. He would buy flowers and he was the one that was pushing everything! Things ended as ‘his ex was making it hard for him to move on and using the children against him’ when she found out about me. Turns out he was just on a rocky patch with her and he used me. He has done it to multiple other women since!

I’d like the think your ex hasn’t done the same you you however it does seem likely. Keep strong and if he comes crawling back do not give him the time of day

It's hurtful and confusing. Someone that flaky and deceptive is not worthy of your time OPs

I think that's absolutely what has happened. He has dc also and I think they have just been rocky, I went to where he lived a couple of weeks ago and it was clear he hadn't been there long but I didn't think too much about it.

Ignoring red flags is never a good idea...lesson learnt

I feel such a fool

Don’t feel a fool OP, these men know exactly what they’re doing. Just take it as a lesson

Focus on the fact that you've dodged a MASSIVE bullet! And don't ignore red flags in future. At least you found out relatively soon in the grand scheme

OP my heart was sinking as you reeled off a load of red flags and I actually expected this to descend into abuse. I was so relieved by the end.

If I just tick them off for you and you will know what to look out for next time:

He has pushed all along to be in a relationship, exclusive really quickly,

This is called 'love bombing'. Pushing the pace of the relationship is a huge sign of an abuser.

said the l word within a couple of weeks

Shallow emotions. Trying to create false intimacy. More love bombing.

and even wanted me to delete my dating apps, he was talking about the future.

Controlling by pushing you to delete your dating apps. Talking about the future when you're only a couple of months in.

I don't know if he's with someone else. He sounds like the kind of person to have several women on the go at once. I just think that you had a lucky escape.

I would consider the Freedom Programme OP as I get the feeling that you'd still be with him if he hadn't finished the relationship.

I have a sneaking suspicion no in fact a raw feeling that this whole time he has still been with the mother of his children and I have just been a side piece but why do these men do it?

Sex- or maybe ego strokes or escapism. I suppose some might even enjoy misleading others.

I just feel so worthless, it took a lot for me to let my guard down with him and I did and he promised me he wouldn't ever hurt me and he has 😔

OP, random strangers who tell you they love you after two weeks, aren't responsible for you. You are. You need to take responsibility for who you let into your life. You only knew him for a couple of months, you didn't even know him and only saw him for a few hours a week. It doesn't seem to have taken much for you to have let your guard down.

So I had a text message last night to say he has been wondering how I am he feels really bad etc etc I'm amazing and all the rest of it

I replied but now I think I should block....am I right?

Yes block him. You could tell him you don’t want any further contact of any kind from him first, if you want to. Then if he does that annoying thing of coming back hoovering you can escalate as harassment if you’re worried.

I hope your reply was "Fuck off cuntybollocks"

But yeah, block. He doesn't deserve even the tiniest nanosecond of your time or energy.

Looks like the crumbs text. Keeping in touch every now and then and saying the things he thinks you want to hear, in case things don’t work out with the mother of his children or if he needs an ego boost or fancies playing around for a while longer.

Please block now. I wouldn’t even give him the courtesy of a goodbye. Good luck

Thank you

I need to delete all traces and block, I find myself keep re reading the messages and it's self torture
Wish someone could take my phone off me and do it for me 😔

He is definitely keeping the link there if he needs to crawl back when things don't work with the mother of his children
I really don't want to be the fall back option

@onemoresmartie have you blocked him?

Yes I have finally done it....I'm second guessing myself all the time tho and I'm tempted to unblock and see if he crawls back

Do not unblock. Put your phone down and do something else until you’re in a stronger frame of mind.

Thank you
I'm really trying to be so strong but really missing his touch and voice it's probably just any male contact not him in particular even a male presence would be nice at the moment

You know that your worth is not determined by having a man in your life. Have you looked at the Freedom Programme as another poster suggested?

No I haven't
Is this an online course?

Plenty of free time on my hands at the moment and could do with a distraction

You can do the Freedom Programme on-line.
Worth a go.
But please don't think you need a 'man' in your life.
You really don't.
This one was a dud anyway and keep him blocked.
You deserve far better.
Take some time for you for a while!

@hellsbellsmelons

Thank you x struggling at the thought of him and her cosied up together and I'm left on my own

How can she be happy knowing less than 2 weeks ago he was declaring undying love for me

She has disappeared of all social networking

Find it all very odd