I’ll try and keep this short...
I don’t know if I’m over reacting or not but this current situation with my boyfriend has brought up a lot of stuff from my last toxic relationship.
names changed my boyfriend Sam (M27) used to hangout one on one with Jess (F26) before we started dating and then throughout the beginning of our relationship. Jess is Sam’s best friends ex girlfriend. They would go out drinking a lot together just the two of them and she would stay over his after. When I first met Jess, Sam disappeared with her without introducing me, she was all over him. Eventually I found him and he said we should leave. She starts blowing up his phone until he eventually answered. We go to another bar, she shows up. I am left sitting the other end of the bar with my friend with them at the other end, he was oblivious to me until I got up and walked out. He chased me down and said to come back to his, surprise surprise she tags along too. She didn’t talk to me, I knew she wasn’t interested in getting to know me at all. After that I just had a really bad feeling.
The next incident was I was out with mutual friends for a birthday, he was out too so I text half way through the night to meet up and he said he couldn’t - turns out he was with her (although with other friends too).
On a couple of occasions he has ‘forgotten’ to mention she was with him when he’s been on nights out, I only found out when people he was with mentioned something about her from that night.
I let it go and let it go for a while because my last relationship really messed with my head - he cheated multiple times and always had a ‘female friend’ on the scene that always turned out to be something more - he always turned it around on me so I always stayed, even though I knew the truth. I lost all my confidence and doubted my judgement of situations.
Then after a drunken night out, Sam mentions Jess wants the two of them to go snowboarding together and said he wouldn’t go because I wouldn’t like it. I couldn’t hold it in anymore after that and confronted him. The fact he wouldn’t do it because I wouldn’t like it is a good thing yes, but it made me feel like I was stopping him from going. I freaked out, and yes I know I shouldn’t have done it, but I asked to see their text messages. They met up when he was home for Christmas. And since then she has text him multiple times asking to meet up for a drink/dinner etc. He replied saying he was busy but another time which is great and I should be relieved but I can’t shake off this feeling. He also shots himself in the foot by saying he knows it’s inappropriate as he’s in a relationship, and I’m not the only one who has queried their ‘friendship’ in the past. His roommate thought they were sleeping together. I don’t know why he told me this, maybe he thought he was reassuring me and that I’m not being crazy. But it made me feel worse.
He also keeps saying she has a boyfriend. It’s a small town where we are and a friend regularly goes to the bar she works at and was pretty sure she was single and definitely ready to mingle!
I know I may come across slightly crazy and insecure but after my last relationship I don’t want to be treated like that again. Maybe I am being super sensitive and suspicious because of that but at the same time I hate the thought that this very attractive single girl keeps asking to hang out with my bf. The fact that it’s his best friends ex too I find weird as it’s not like she hangs out with any of his other friends or as a group.
After being with my ex, where he constantly tried to convince me that I was crazy and untrustworthy, only to find out he was cheating scares me. I feel like history is repeating itself.
Any advice welcome!