Subtle signs you're in an unhealthy relationship?

[Bluewater1]

Just that really. What are the subtle signs that your relationship may be unhealthy? Signs that you may miss but maybe your good friends would worry about?

IME- Your partner criticises things about you eg your appearance, intelligence, work etc.

Your partner bad mouths your family and friend and insists they don't love you as much as they do.

Refusing to accept responsibility for anything they do wrong and blaming you.

Accusations of cheating or unfounded jealousy.

I'm sure there are lots more.

Not being able to discuss your relationship because your partner is emotionally unable to. They can’t discuss feelings, needs, wants, sex etc etc. Very unhealthy.

Wanting to sit in a different room to your partner at home and your heart sinks when you hear their key in the door.

Not feeling you can tell your partner what you are thinking and feeling...,, being afraid of their reactions....

I haven't read this book but I hear good things about it:

www.amazon.co.uk/How-Gets-into-Her-Head/dp/1855942208/ref=sr_1_1?keywords=how+he+gets+into+her+head&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&qid=1584152642&sr=8-1

Yes, I think not being willing to take responsibility for anything and always blaming their partner is a definite red flag isn't it?
Apparently not remembering things they said that were upsetting but remembering everything you said that bothered them
Twisting what was said
Frequently breaking up with you but then not leaving you alone so you can try to move on
Not accepting your apologies
Sulking
Posting negative memes on social media that you know are aimed at you

You're describing gas lighting which is a red flag.

Ha ha. You've described the man I'm obsessed with. He has BPD...

@Bananalanacake
That's was what I had feared....

I agree with @Bananalanacake. definitely gaslighting behaviour. It won’t get better

@opticaldelusion Why on earth are you obsessed with a man like that? Do you realise the harm he'd cause you?

@HollowTalk

Yes. I think I do. It's against my better judgement and I don't have a history of unhealthy relationships. But I've ended up in a trauma bond and I'm working through why that might be with a counsellor. I will say in his defence he can't help his mental health problems. Doesn't make it any easier but he's not a narcissist, just a desperately traumatised person. And I love him. Sigh.

People with a diagnosis of BPD/EUPD may be very compelling, almost addictive, personalities, and their energy is very intense (can be draining). I’m speaking from personal experience though others I know have said the same.

I don't think that's love, @opticaldelusion. It sounds more like a dangerous addiction that you're confusing with love.

Yes. It's a trauma bond.