Words of encouragement/ own experiences

[Heartburn888]

Usually I would name change which in itself tells me I have made the right decision.

My now ex partner has decided to go out on another drink and drug fuelled binge. It started as a pint after work with his friend then I rang him and he admitted to taking cocaine which I am furious about and then he said an hour and he will be home and not it’s I won’t be late.

I should of left a long time ago but I was pregnant with my son and without ex p I wouldn’t have my beautiful boy. Ex has had issues on and off with drink and drugs and last year made huge improvements to his lifestyle and more or less stopped drinking and drug taking but the last few weeks he has slipped back into the habit.

I’m fucked off mainly because his workplace conduct random drug tests as they work with machinery and if he’s found to be positive come Monday/Tuesday then it’s curtains for him. I’m on maternity leave at the minute. He is the main wage earner and he has recently been promoted and has bigger earning potential. And to throw it al away over a £20 of coke boils my blood.

I expressed my anger towards his decision and I was met with ‘it’s only 6.15’ which says he isn’t really bothered about any consequences and that her will be fine’ come Monday.

I said to him it’s either his binges or his family. I’ve not had any response but I’m serious about it this time. Sick of him putting our family life in jeopardy all for the sake of a laugh down the pub with his crank mates. Me on the other hand, I do what I’m told by him like a good girl. Like a mug more like.

Our relationship has been in tatters for a while probably since about 6 month pregnant. No sex, no intimacy, no cuddles and only kisses are a peck. Might sound childish but a peck on the lips being your only source of adult interaction is piss poor. I’ve grown to resent him and his behaviours. I think before when he was having issues with drinking and drug taking I thought maybe the man I met and fel in love with was still in there and he’s just been consumed by this lifestyle. Now I’ve realised that that man was never real it was an act to get me where he wanted me. He’s lazy he’s clearly selfish he’s entitled and he’s displayed some appalling behaviour previously.

The house is mine but I’m worried about affording it once he’s left. I’ll no doubt be returning to work early which isn’t so much of a problem in itself.

Does anyone have any stories similar to mine they can share to keep me from rolling over again? I’m desperate for a happy life but I seem to just forgive and forget to keep the peace and financial stability and it’s not a life I want my son growing up experiencing.

I think before when he was having issues with drinking and drug taking I thought maybe the man I met and fel in love with was still in there and he’s just been consumed by this lifestyle. Now I’ve realised that that man was never real it was an act to get me where he wanted me. He’s lazy he’s clearly selfish he’s entitled and he’s displayed some appalling behaviour previously

I haven't been in a similar situation as such, except for this bit. Once I realised those bits of him I liked were fake at least some of the time, that I couldn't trust anything he said or did had genuine intentions as he was insincere, the 'love' was gone for me and I barely looked back.

I know a lot of people don't find it that easy though.

I would just keep reminding yourself it's all fake. It might help if you wrote down a list of all the bad things he's done.

This thread will no doubt help you see it, as the sisters give their opinions on stuff he's done.

he’s displayed some appalling behaviour previously

Could you possibly describe this further?

So he’s now left. We had an argument today about a chair in my sons nursery and he started crashing about calling me a dick head saying all my family’s hand me downs are scruffy. He said he was getting ready to go out, I didn’t say a word until he had left and I had locked the door. I’ve told him not to come back because I’m just sick of him and everything he does/doesn’t do.

He will try come back later but I’ve told
Him not to bother. I have his work clothes etc here should I just hang them on the door handle for him ? I don’t want to open the door to him because he won’t leave.

The house is a complete shit hole and he’s jsut sat on his arse all weekend whilst I’ve been slogging away doing the washing and ironing and putting away. He’s contributed by leaving a selection of cups down the side of the sofa, orange juice cartons on the work top. More coffee pods in the sink. I said to him over text message how many times do I need to tell him about doing certain stuff but he just came back with wel there’s a bag at the bottom of the stairs that’s been there since Thursday.
Yes it has. But he won’t move it or look through it to see what’s in there. Me on the other hand I’m too busy clearing up his shit.

Argh I feel like I hate him. I know when he comes back it will be explosive. To make matters worse I have a door bell which I can’t seem to find the switch off button and he will be ringing it coz he a cock despite our 3 month old baby being in the house.

Things haven’t improved. Last night well this morning he rolled in at 1am off his head of drugs, bathed into the bedroom demanding to get into bed where myself and my son were sleeping I told
Him to go in another room but he would so he got in at the bottom of where my son was laid at the top. Selfish arsehole - I ended up taking my son and getting in the spare bed. He would risk getting in bed with our baby pissed and drugged up what if he rolled on him during the night or kicked him 😱
Today I have got up and gone out, he tried instigate an argument over a smart meter fitter claiming I was changing into sexy jarmas for him 🤨 I actually had a pair of shorts on when the guy came and I went upstairs to change into some long jarma bottoms because my legs are so flipping hairy.
Anyway had a nice day out with my son we went to a shopping centre but I kind of think it was a bad idea given what has been going on but we had a nice day. My son enjoyed people watching and wanted lots of cuddles and to sit on my knee and it was lovely having time just me and him.

I came home and he’s been festering in bed all day long. He’s come down for a sandwich and I know this because he’s left a mess. I took my son upstairs and asked him if he wanted to spend some time with him and he said no. I said ok whatever and went back downstairs. Ex was saying he will come downstairs and for me to go upstairs with my son so he can get into his cot. I wouldn’t ducking dare get in that bed after he’s been laying in it al day long sweating stinking rotting and probably wanking and wiping himself all over the bed the dirty bastard. I politely declined his kind offer but it was met with more abuse as I hadn’t jumped at the chance to sit in his sweat. Later on tonight about 9 my son woke for a bottle and was crying so I asked him to hold my son whilst I nipped down to make him a bottle. When I came back up ex said you only Give him to me when he’s crying I don’t get to see him any other time. I reminded him I asked him earlier if he wanted to spend time with him and he said no, ex said well I didn’t want to sit with you. Always a bullshit excuse.

I found out he had met a woman last night and they had been taking drugs together and probably slagging me off. I know this woman from precious and I had a bit of a do with her when I was pregnant as she was trying to muscle into my house and take my dressing table - ex was allowing this. This ended up with her threatening to beat me up next time she saw me despite being pregnant. Ex never has had my back when it comes to her.

He said he is going to leave and I’m so fucking happy. Just worked out my bills and I can manage without him which is a massive massive relief.

Not sure if anyone will read this but I want to note it down so I can remind myself of how much of a cunt he is because no doubt he will be full of apologises later this week when he wants his kids picking up and ferrying around.

Also to add he rang in sick at work probably claiming he’s got the virus which is sickening in itself given the fact people are dying from it. So a week off means no wage but his tiny brain doesn’t think that far ahead. I’ll ensure my son has milk and nappies. I’ll always be there for him he is my absolute world

@Heartburn888 I just wanted to tell you that someone is listening and reading. You have done amazing for your boy and you should be so proud of yourself. I know it’s hard right now but in time, things get easier and in years to come, your lovely boy will look to you as his superhero keep your chin up your doing amazing!! X

OMG kick him out rip the doorbell off if you have to and stick to your guns I am doing it with you I'm sort of day two doing it !! We are better a million times it gets easier every day and once you've started you'll get addicted to how much better you feel every day mine is killing me to stay strong and I keep wobbling and listening but I'm still staying strong and going ahead with being on my own and I'm so proud of myself ! Get rid ASAP if he kicks off all police xx

What is the actual point of him? What a fucking loser.

Please please please kick this waste of space out. Change the locks and notify the police of his behaviour. You are doing a fantastic job with your little baby. Keep him safe. Here's hoping life will get better for you with him gone x

Thank you ♥️

It’s a rents so I can’t rip the door bell off but I did think about snipping some wires but not worth losing my bond over. I’m worried about calling the police because he has previously been in trouble with the police due to a domestic incident with myself where again he was off his head and started threatening me. You’ll be wondering why I had a child with this man. I thought the person I met was in there but he was consumed by his addictions but like I said he was never really that person. But I’m worried because I don’t want social services on my back over him. Is this likely to happen? When I gave birth the midwife pulled me to one side and asked me if I was okay going home and felt safe with him given the previous incident so they must of had a note of this somewhere for her to ask me.

Yes that’s how I’m feeling about getting a kick out of regaining my life. Taking one day at a time but I’m aiming to enjoy one thing at least and to enjoy it with my son so tomorrow I think we will go for a little walk or something and at least we will be away from that prick for the day

Why he is still in your house?
Get him gone. If won't go then call the police!
This is HIS doing!

Tell him you will call the police if he isn't gone by 5pm today.
And follow through.
Your life will be so much calmer with him gone.
So get him gone - FAST!!!

I asked him again this morning and about 10 mins ago if he wanted to spend some time with his son he said no the first time and said I’m poorly. Second time he said he will if I stop being a twat. Pathetic. He said he’s going to his mums on Friday.

He came down and said that he’s been told to take a week off work he is just so full of shit.

I guess I am scared of him because I know his temper and I don’t want anything to get physical in front of my boy or have my house smashed up and my child be scared.

Speak to Women's Aid and get the police involved if needs be.

You keep calling him ex but he doesn't seem to be living that way. You need to be consequential, with a plan, to get him out and live on your own. He is clearly worse than a waste of space. Thankfully you have clearly realised this, now YOU need to do something about it, not be passive. Given his past warnings personally I would involve the police. The SS will only help you make sure he is gone. You are doing well but you need to go further