Don’t know what to do

[Confidential789]

Long story short....
it’s an abusive relationship that I am trying to leave.
But this morning I left a recording device in the bedroom and when I listened to it he was ringing random women pretending to be a massage parlour and was asking them questions
Then wanked over it
I am so disturbed
But how do I go about saying I know without looking like a paranoid freak that I had a recording device in the room

What the hell.

Is this for real?

Has he used his mobile or the house phone? Do you know these women? Could you say that he didn’t withhold his number and someone has told you he’s making weird calls?

And it’s not you who’s a paranoid freak you’ve clearly got a reason to suspect and on top of that he’s abusive

You could hear him wanking on the recording device?

You need to keep a log of his behaviour OP.

Date time started-finished Incident How it made you feel Wittnesses/evidence such as the tape

Don't tell him you know as the abuse could escalate. He sounds like a thoroughly nasty piece of work - like all abusers.

Do you have support?

Why the face @SpongeBobJudgeyPants? Wanking ain’t silent.

Why did you put the recording thing in the room? Are you trying to get evidence? What difficulties are you facing with trying to leave?

Even without knowing the above I’d keep schtum on what you’ve heard for now.

I had tried to leave this week but he made violent threats towards me so I went back.
On Wednesday he said he had booked me a massage I didn’t want one but I thought he was making an effort. When I was sent the address I put it in google and no massage name came up. When I got there it was a random house and when I knocked on it was a man.
I asked if he was doing the massage & he said yes so I said that’s not for me. It felt very seedy and when I got home he kept laughing and said he won’t get his refund. When I asked to see where he had found the ‘massage business’ he wouldn’t show me and also wouldn’t show me proof he had paid

I bought the recording device I had caught him out on dating sites last year

OP, you need to start making a move to get out of there and please don't tell him you want to leave.

What is your current situation? Children? Married? Do you have anywhere to go tonight?

You need to leave op. Right now. Just walk out.

When I went back to the house of the massage today to ask how my partner got in touch with him he stepped out of the house and shut the door. He then said ‘not tonight’ As his wife & children were in the house

I want to leave and we do have a child

I am just scared. I have gone to my mums house but I don’t know what else to do

Thank you so much for the replies ❤️ I need the help right now xx

Do you have anywhere to go tonight? We can then direct you to further and more long term support but you need to get out.

You're at your mum's house now?

OP you need to contact the National Domestic Violence Helpline – 0808 2000 247 it's a 24 hour number and they are oversubscribed, so it may take a while to get through.

Can you stay at your mum's until you get something else sorted out? He sounds dangerous OP and it sounds like he's pimping you. You sound very vulnerable and you need to keep him away from you.

Are you married? What's the situation with the house?

No tyes with the house and we are not married.
Yes I can stay at my mums tonight then I will have to go somewhere else tomorrow because I am scared and he will come here

I want you to dial 101 OP and speak to the police. Tell them what happened today and about the massage parlours and that you're scared. If he turns up, do not let him in and dial 999. Do not respond to texts or phone calls from him OP but don't block him as he may alert you to what he's doing or provide evidence if he threatens you.

It may be an idea to go into a refuge OP, if you can't stay at your mum's or are frightened if staying there. Phone the police then contact the National Domestic Violence Helpline – 0808 2000 247 and get advice.

I think you have all the answers OP, you need to leave him and not go back. I wouldn't even mention the recording, he'll just use it against you and it will erupt into a massive and possibly dangerous row. Keep it for evidence though and get in contact with a solicitor ASAP, but first of all I hope you can find somewhere safe to stay for a few nights. Would a friend put you up for a bit?

Thank you I am going to ring the domestic violence helpline first

Sounds like a plan!

Thank you all for the advice xx

This man is dangerous and you need to stop playing games with him. Your focus should be getting and staying away from him not playing Agatha Christie.

Best of luck.

AgentJohnson I understand your point but when someone is constantly lying to you and making you feel like your going insane I felt like I had do a bit of Agatha Christie.
I also get blamed for finding things as his excuse is ‘I am trying to split us up’

Have you contacted the helpline OP?