I've done it! (almost)

[WinterSunshine101]

Today I got the keys to my new home. I've written on here before about my situation, and the amazing advice I got helped me so much to change things.

I've been in an abusive relationship for 10 years. I have 3 children (5, 3 & 15 months). My partner has severe OCD (around dirt/contamination) which is controlling all our lives, and I can't take it anymore.

Over the next few weeks I'm getting our new home ready, and leaving my partner. He doesn't know, because he is very volatile and aggressive, and we wouldn't be safe.

I don't really know why I'm writing this, other than I wanted to tell someone! I feel like someone should be here with me with a glass of champagne, but instead there's just the carpet cleaning man.

I've been cleaning all day so far - which is ironic, given what I'm leaving, but it feels like this is on my terms.
I know the hardest part is ahead of me (although lugging three mattresses and a flat pack bad around felt pretty gruelling), but it feels so good to take control.
Thank you for all the advice I've had in the past from so many of you. X

Excellent news. Well done for making this massive step, an inspiration to others.

Enjoy your new safe home !

Ah winter this is great!

Just be really careful though, can someone else keep your keys safe and make sure to leave any paperwork behind in your new home before you go back.

Even a slight spring in your step might alert him.

Your doing brilliantly, just be careful xx

Well done on making this brave move. Here is to a happier future for you and your children!

I don't really know why I'm writing this

Well for starters, it might inspire just one other woman in an abusive relationship to do the same, in which case it's worth it 1000x over :)

Hope your new life is AWESOME!

Thanks everyone. I hadn't thought of this helping someone else, but if it does that would be amazing.
I will bear in mind the advice about being careful. Hadn't really thought through things like keys. I'll make sure I hide them. Just want to move in properly now but there's a pretty long slog ahead of me.

This is so exciting! Your new home! Do you have a set date for moving in?

Well done! good luck with the move Op and stay safe.

What an amazing mum . You are taking your children away from this life as well as you which is the thing that will ultimately change your future . I speak from experience as my mum stayed in an abusive relationship and therefore i married an abusive man who i eventually left when he became violent ( we are all still in therapy) . Im angry with my mum for staying in an abusive relationship and trying to force me to stay in mine. However we got out in the end and are free and safe and so happy, u will be too. There will be tough times but you are amazing, u are saving u and yr children, heading towards a better life for you all. Keep striding ahead

I really hope my children thank me for this and don't end up resenting me for taking them away from their dad. I know it's the right thing to do but they are so small and loyal and his temper is 'normal' to them (I think). My parents were in a very unhappy marriage (no abuse though) and I always remember wishing they would separate because I wanted them to be happy. I keep trying to keep that memory close.

My moving date is hopefully mid April. It gives me time to set things up (it will take ages because I can only do it at certain times when my partner won't realise. We work in the same place so that makes it much harder. We're also going on holiday with his brother and family. It feels so ridiculous and very hypocritical to do that, but leaving before that isn't an option.
Coronavirus is threatening to scupper my plans, but trying to ignore that for the moment.
Carpets are nearly clean now and the house smells lovely. I've even set up utilities and found broadband. Feel pretty proud of myself. Normally I leave all that to my partner and feel useless, but it's been quite empowering just grabbing the bull by the horns for a change.
Will be heading home soon and very mindful of the fact I feel very different in myself.
I really am in awe of women who do this sort of thing in much harder circumstances. I am not well off, but have some savings which I'm using in the short term (wage will have to still go on my current mortgage so I don't have any income as such). For those without anything, it must feel like an impossible task. It shows how strong these women are.

They may not be happy initially but as adults they will know . You must stay strong at that point as it is hard but will teach them in the long run. Do lots of snuggle afternoons with films and popcorn and blankets as something they can look forward too. Also snuggle up in my bed watching tv they loved and baking sundays . Change yr routine to involve a few treats that can also be blackmail lol

Great work You rock! Maybe once you're in you could have some people round for those drinks

Make sure your partner doesn’t have a way of checking where you are via your mobile phone? He could find out where you are going?