Why do they look elsewhere?

[Claire926]

I have met and been friends with some men in real life. They drop all of these hints and will message me showing interest which I reciprocate yet they never ask me out. Further along the line I discover they are on dating sites or commenting on other women's social media photos feeding them the same lines. I don't know if they are players or socially awkward as some of them have no luck with women.

I know they can do what they want when single. I just find it disheartening, it is like you are second best and not good enough. I feel like they just want you to boost their ego when lonely. If a man was afraid of losing you and really wanted you he would not be pursuing others.

Has anyone got any nice success stories where a man has been confident enough to pursue them whilst not trying to pursue others at the same time?

OP, my ex-DH never showed any interest in anyone other than me (and still doesn’t, despite the separation) and my current boyfriend is the same. Some men are very loyal and don’t need to pursue multiple women to feel more masculine. They are out there, you’ll find one

Yep. My husband and I met online. He made it clear he wasn't dating others on the second date and removed his dating profile. I just nodded and smiled and offered no reassurance. Didn't remove my profile. Then when we'd been dating about 4 weeks he asked again if I we could be exclusive and I said we could give it a try. The best thing is to do is date others yourself and let one convince you he's with taking yourself off the market for.

Are you sure you’re making it clear that you’d be interested in a date rather than just being friends? Why don’t you ask them out? I’ve never once had an experience where a man I was flirting with didn’t try to take my interest somewhere so the fact you’ve had several makes me wonder if you’re being as transparent as you think you are.

More generally, there are people into monogamy and people into non-monogamy and as long as you work it out first you should be able to find plenty of men who would like to date you alone.

In my experience the men who behave like this aren't serious about meeting someone or being in a relationship. They are probably just boosting their ego. A genuine bloke who wants to meet someone would take things to the next level and ask you out. The fact they are running round saying the same thing to loads of women speaks volumes about their intentions.

Met my dp online. He said he did meet someone else for a first coffee date a few days after we'd had ours. He realised he liked me a lot more and stopped. Doesn't bother me in the slightest. A few months prior I'd been dating 3 guys very casually but wasn't bothered about any of them so didn't pursue beyond the first couple of dates. It's different rules than old fashioned 'going out' with someone