Help me decide what to do!!

[Olsworth40]

I’m a 40 year old husband, married for 3 years together for 7 with a 2 year old, I don’t drink alcohol & smoke cannabis daily - helps with my injuries following a bike accident I had 7 years ago fracturing both my wrists, I have continued knee pain and sciatica. My wife who I love dearly is 7 years old than me and likes to drink 2-3 glasses of wine a night, we both work, I work full time as painter and my wife part time as a carer/cleaner.
Just before Christmas my wife lost her best friend of 30yrs to suicide, leaving behind a 23yr old daughter, her boyfriend at the time we always heard bad stuff about from this friend. After her death my wife struck up a friendship with the boyfriend and they’ve become close, I’ve become jealous as my wife has shown me little attention since our good relationship ended at Christmas. Now she ignores me, shys away from intimacy and generally avoids me altogether, we sometimes kiss and cuddle but it goes no further nor will she allow it, the boyfriend is helping me find a big contract in London (100 miles away) (£100k with potential to get our first mortgage) & my wife with a fudged rental (full time) work reference just so we can rent. I’ve just been working away in Spain for two weeks, wife was going to pick me up at the station but was too tired after looking after our little one to meet me. A little hurt, SO.. we are now in the process of moving house imminently following our landlord wanting his home back, my wife is very keen for me to take the London work as it pays extremely well, I’m not sure for many reasons - does she not want me around, will she cheat on me, when I speak to her she gets defensive, blames it on me constantly pressuring her for intimacy and being too needy & grief for her friend, says I’m stoned and can’t talk to me etc. My dad left my mum at aged two and i personally had a tough upbringing because I always felt I wanted a complete family. Now I have one and my wife ignores me, I went through the same issues during first year of daughter being born and I let the intimacy slide for a year to give her time. I don’t know what to do, should I move into new place then work away 5-10 days at a time giving her space which she might need for grieving despite it being 3 months ago, or bin the long distance job and carry on making peanuts locally but move out and make a relationship with my daughter?

I’d like to add, I love my wife so much, it’s always been a rocky relationship as I’m not an easy person to be with, I never stop trying to be there for her but all I’m met with is constant criticism and niggling at everything I say or do, sometimes I lack the correct emotional response in a given situation, when I get nervous I laugh and can be construed as being uncaring, I just want to get through this, I’m scared for our future and what that will be, I worry far too much, I’m especially unsure of working away if our relationship isn’t secure, as I don’t want to lose my relationship with our little one, I know she is really grieving the loss of her friend, it feels the same as the first year after dd being born as in where do I fit in!

Give up the pot and instead follow any treatments for pain management your doctor suggests.

Pot is bad for both your mental health and (as your wife says) for communicating, so it will effect your relationship.

sometimes I lack the correct emotional response in a given situation

That won't be helped by being stoned.

Having said that, I think you're right to be suspicious.

3 months isn't long when it comes to grief for the loss of someone close btw.

Weed will skew everything, string links to paranoia too. As a op said, speak to your go about proper pain mgmt and then at least you can make a decision based on reality.