Has anyone seen a trained counsellor/therapist?

[TeawithCakes]

Hi,

Has anyone?
I’m unhappy in marriage and have been a while but feel I need to talk about things with a trained counsellor to get another persons view on it. I don’t want to tell anyone in my real life (friends/family). I have a 16 year old doing GCSEs in the summer but I want out after that but feel like the wicked witch for doing so - realising I will continue to be so if I stay. I’ve not had sex with him for many years and can’t go near him. He is ten years older. I could’ve coped (and have done raising children and busy in my career) but started to realise we were incompatible in other areas too. I carry him a lot financially too which has added pressure. I won’t go into details but my head has been turned and this, for me, is a wake up call. I’ve realised how unhappy I am deep down and it is affecting me.

I have also been struggling with peri-menopause too but I have completely changed my view of everything and it is like Ive woken up to my feelings.
Do I need to see a GP first?

I’m almost 48 btw, but a young 48!

We’re mortgage and debt free so money isn’t an issue and I could afford my own place

I saw a psychodynamic therapist recently and having her to talk through things was great. Good luck.

Yes, do go and see a counsellor. I found a great one who I had a 15 minute chat with on the phone first. It may take a few tries to find the right one.

Therapists will typically not share their point of view with you. What they will do is to try to help you get clarity about what you want for yourself.

I had an amazing counsellor for several years. She started as a bereavement counsellor after my husband's terminal diagnosis and then later supported me as a single parent.

I could only work with someone who gave me feedback. She was brilliant at it. I described the process as like bringing her a bag of stones. I would drop them on the carpet between us and the pair of us would gradually smooth the rough edges off until the jagged stones were smooth pebbles.

I will always be grateful to her.

Yes I have/do. It can sometimes take a while to find a counsellor who you really get on with and trust, so just don’t be disheartened if you don’t feel the first one works out. Look through their qualifications online and go for a few consultation appointments. Best of luck

Best to go privately and find a therapist that you click with . I did few sessions couple of years back and was in a similar place in my thoughts - not happy with my relationship and not quite sure how to move forwards

You can have individual relationship counselling with Relate. You don't need to go as a couple - but might be helpful if eventually you do decide to go as a couple - either to reconcile your marriage or to talk through things as you go through separation. I used then prior to and during my divorce and couldn't fault the counsellor I went to see.

Where do I find one? Online?
I don’t see the point in couples counselling as I can’t change the way I feel. I just need support/advice on how to deal with my feelings as I’ll crack otherwise.

What happened MoneyMachine? Did you move forwards?

@Prawnofthepatriarchy - what an excellent analogy!

My first counsellor was like yours - she did occasionally offer her opinion which helped me hugely - and all the jagged pebbles got put back in my basket a little more rounded.

She also gave me a marble to carry around - just to remember that I'd not lost mine...

She retired and I've just finished with someone else who charged me £50 an hour to sit in the corner and nod at me from time to time. Hopeless! I need a bit of prodding.

It's tricky to get recommendations as you can't really ask around.

I have had counselling both through the NHS and privately. If you go private use the BACP website to find a licensed practitioner in your area. You may not find the best fit right up but I found it immensely helpful when dealing with the fallout from my marriage breakup.

I had counselling and it was the best thing that I've ever done. I only wish I'd done it sooner. It takes a few sessions for it to begin to work so don't give up after a couple of appointments. I also found that after each session I was absolutely exhausted, so try & go when you don't have to go back to work. It sorted my head out & actually built my confidence.
Good luck. Keep us updated

It's taken me around 6 counsellors to find the right one for me. The one I have now is excellent, but she's so expensive that I can only afford her once every few weeks. From experience, you get what you pay for. Avoid anyone who wants to talk about themselves would be my advice. Many of them who operate privately seem to use their profession of counselling as a way of counselling themselves for free using your woes to make them feel better about theirs.