Name changed so it’s not attached to my other posting.
I’m trapped and scared to leave. We have a joint tenancy but I will become homeless as he will refuse to leave. We have a 5yo DD and I am due to give birth again in 3 weeks time. The relationship started off well but has slowly declined over the years. I currently have no income. No maternity pay due to the nature of my job (freelancing).
The relationship started off great but don’t they all. Over the years he’s shown me that he cannot prioritise his family and his children. These days he comes home, eats the food I’ve made him and leaves the table to play video games before I even finish eating. He doesn’t ask about our DD’s day and doesn’t care. He doesn’t ask about my day and doesn’t care. I have learned not to cry or express any other emotion other than fake happiness in front of him because he just gets very angry and venomous. He has become extremely verbally and psychologically abusive since I fell pregnant again because the baby wasn’t planned. He doesn’t care about the baby, doesn’t care about missing scans, never touches my belly and doesn’t care when I talk about names or just dismisses all of my suggestions as ‘shit and awful’.
He calls me a bitch and tells me that I’m controlling. That he hates spending time with me and wants to do what he wants when he wants. He calls me fat and ugly which I know I am. I look in the mirror and I am disgusted at what I have become since becoming pregnant. I was very fit and toned before as I went to the gym loads. I had the time and money to get my hair done now it just looks ratty and vile. I hate leaving the house and wonder what people might think of the mess that I am. Right now I am laid in bed in the dark crying and I just want someone to hold me and tell me that everything is going to be okay. No one loves me and no one cares about me. I wish so badly that someone would show me some affection. I have been here for an hour after he pushed me over the edge by his horrible response to me bringing up paternity leave. He said ‘well if I can’t get the week off work paid then I won’t be doing it’. As if his child is worth less than a measly £300. He hasn’t noticed or bothered to check on me. I presume he’s still playing his video games. He doesn’t even look at me when I enter I room I feel so insignificant.
I want to leave and I want to find happiness but I’m terrified of doing it all alone. I don’t know what to do anymore and I have no one to talk to about it because I isolated myself from my friends for him