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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I've done it again.....

4 replies

NewName88 · 11/03/2020 11:41

Name changed for this, i'll leave some details vague as DP knows i post/comment on here regularly.
Several years ago i moved in with DP at the time because we had a DC together basically, i knew it wasn't going to work out, he treated me like a doormat for several years, did nothing in the house, nothing for DC and lived his life as a singleton just under the same roof as us. Took me 4 years to wake up and LTB.
Fast forward a few years i've done it again...
A DC with a new partner, told myself it was different this time, i was moving in with him for myself not for the DC and was looking forward to being a proper family who shares parental duties, household chores etc. I am prepared to do more household wise as i work part-time but i do everything, look after both DC, do ALL household chores and DP sits on the couch all evening or goes out with friends as and when he likes (obviously im not saying he can't but he doesn't have to check to see if i am busy and he needs to look after DC or anything, he just makes his plans and goes)
Why have i done this to myself again!! Am i stupid!??
Oh and both DC were unplanned but very much wanted on my part of course, hence why i wasn't living with them beforehand.

OP posts:
hellsbellsmelons · 11/03/2020 12:08

It doesn't matter why you have done this again.
Shit happens.
But you got out last time so do it again.
Don't allow your DC to have this lazy shit as daily male role model.
Take back control of your life!!!
Get out - you know you can do it - you've done it before.

Newname88 · 14/03/2020 08:48

Thank you for the advice, I know you’re right but I feel like I’ve made my bed and I’ve got to lay in it.
Only been moved in together a couple of months, I can’t uproot everyone again. I just wish I’d given things serious thought before getting myself into this situation again!

OP posts:
category12 · 14/03/2020 08:54

I know you’re right but I feel like I’ve made my bed and I’ve got to lay in it

Don't be so silly. The longer you leave it, the harder it will be. Cut your losses now.

FlowerArranger · 14/03/2020 09:21

Only been moved in together a couple of months, I can’t uproot everyone again.

You seem to be basing your life on the sunk cost fallacy, coupled with a lack of foresight and planning. Surely you can see that this is not going to work. It'll only get more difficult, the more you prolong the agony.

My suggestions would be:-

Nail down your contraception!

Read Women Who Love Too Much. Lots of useful insights and help with building self-esteem.

Keep a diary - it'll make you more conscious of what you are doing and why, serve as a reminder of your partners` hurtful actions and neglect, and help you to stop drifting through life.

Get your ducks in a row so you can leave.

Get a life of your own: friendships, hobbies, having fun with your children, do stuff that give you joy.

Spend at least a year on your own, before you even THINK about another relationship.

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