I have posted here about how horrendous my marriage is. I have had lots of people give me advice about how I should leave.
I am truly miserable. After years of a deteriorating marriage, argument after argument. Swearing, name calling, a lack of respect, we reached an agreement to see a marriage counsellor, despite lots of people saying it was a bad idea. If anything it has helped me draw a bit of strength, and see that certain aspects of his behaviour are wrong, which it has taken me a long time to see.
To be honest I know that our marriage is over. I can't forgive him for some of the things he has done and said. The limit came after he used some of the things discussed in counselling against me in an argument, and told me our daughter would grow up to hate me like I hated my mum ( I don't hate my mother, but she is an alcoholic, and has caused great hurt and damage to me).
I can't trust him. I don't even think I like him, but I just can't find the resources of strength i need to leave.
He says he will change. I feel like I should give him a chance. He has told me that a lot of this is my fault, because i was so difficult and unpleasant when I was pregnant, and made his life a misery after my daughters birth, when I suffered from post natal depression and anxiety. So I struggle to get perspective on the situation, and feel that I have caused this situation and should be working to resolve it. He is now getting frustrated with me because he doesnt think I'm trying hard enough to fix this and forgive him.
I honestly feel like a coward. I know what I should do and am too weak and pathetic to do it. How do I find the strength? I question everything about myself, about what I think I know so I don't feel I know anything for certain anymore. Help!