Help me make sense of my marriage

[livinginturmoil]

Together 11 years 2 DC. He had a 6 month long affair a year ago, he was in love with her. I took him back, I was vulnerable and alone and did not see a way through alone. I wanted our family unit back together.
We have been back together 6 months. He told me everything (as far as I can tell), said all the right things, apologised etc. Refused counselling. We slipped back in to old routines.
He has a low sex drive which is one of the things that made me unhappy and miserable before the affair.
It's back to that now, I don't feel close to him, I don't particularly trust him, although he's not I love him because he's the father of our DD's but I don't think I'm in love with him.

I am now as bad as him as a few weeks ago I had sex with someone else. It felt amazing, I was free, wanted, desired.
I know how wrong this was.

I think my marriage is over but I don't know if/how to end it. DD's were traumatised last time and will be again if we separate again. I don't know if I can do that to them.

Tour marriage is over. You and your husband need to sit and work out a plan going forward that best supports your children.

End it. Your children will be better off with 2 happy parents apart, as opposed to 2 unhappy parents together believe me. Plus you are just as bad as each other now. Not to sound mean, I just don't think you will be happy stuck in this kind of relationship.

Staying together for the sake if the children is hardly a solution. You really think they won't pick up on the atmosphere and misery? Let alone having unhealthy ideas about what is a good relationship.

You are unfulfilled and clearly unhappy.

You need to separate while you can still do it amicably and build new lives.

Best to sit down and talk. If ye are both unhappy in your marriage your kids will sense it.

This is so sad to hear . I understand your feelings if wanting to fix this situation. I hear that he didn’t want to get counselling , but if he truly recognised that was what was needed he should have just stepped up . Get counselling now it’s not too late . Don’t cause more pain to your kids and act

Thank you.

I do know my actions were awful. He
Destroyed something when hen cheated (not that that excuses my actions).
He is difficult to talk to, and 100% will not agree to counselling.

I know how conflicted you must be , But what is your next step ?

There is no sense to be made when the trust has gone. I think you need to talk to him about divorce.