Leaving an Emotionally Abusive relationship - or not..

[anotherdayanothername20]

Hi, I'm in an emotionally/verbally/psychologically abusive relationship, with young children. I have a domestic abuse support worker that the GP referred me to. I've got legal advice and I have very few options. I could go to a refuge but it would be out of my county and I don't want to move and start a whole new life, seems like even more punishment for me and my kids. I have no family and a very small support network but I feel settled where we live. I could start the court process to get him out of the house but there's a danger its unsuccessful and then I'd be back at the start, or i could wait a bit longer, get a job, save some money, feel more independent and stronger, maybe move out, maybe more strong for the stresses of the court process.

Has anyone stayed in a bad relationship for a bit longer to get things sorted out? It is affecting my kids and I'm worried about the impact long term but I'm also worried if I just leave with no money no nothing and go and live in a refuge far away from friends and life that we know...seems like that's a bigger hill to climb. I don't want to do it, I don't understand why the woman has to be punished like this. Or if Im not sorted and light the fuse it could be a disaster and a mess and not get the end result either.

Don't know what I'm asking really. Don't know what to do. The relationship is so exhausting I can't think straight anymore.

Hi OP,
Whose name is the house in?
How long have you been with your partner?

OP, a refuge isn't a permanent solution. It's temporary and it's usually outside the county in order to protect you. It's obviously better to keep the children in the family home though.

What has been advised regarding an Occupation Order and Non Molestation Order which would be the best options?

Was in an emotionally abusive relationship, still in it, but thankfully things have improved over time (a lot of time) but jury is still out. It's hard work. We are both trying to overcome the past but it's not easy. I guess a lot depends on the nature of the abuse... some of my friends thought I was nuts to stay, some thought I was brave and strong to help my husband and try and sort it. It was up to me to figure out if there was a chance of it working and obviously to take into account the situations that had already occurred and if it was affecting the kids (the deal breaker for me). It had to be a conscious and determined decision by both of us. Is he aware/admitting the abuse? Is he getting help for the problems he has? I understand completely the reticence for moving out and away. It's a scary unknown. But. Sometimes there isn't really a choice, there is just moving on. It will be hard but you will get through it. You may look back 5 years from now and think thank goodness I had the courage to get out and leave. You will likely be stronger and in a much better place by then. No one can deny though it's a tough and scary road... but is it less scary than staying in the situation you are right now? For me, the scary unknown was an option I felt I would have to take if I could not see a way to improve anything, for the sake of the kids and of course my own sanity. Do you ever feel in danger? It can be a small step between emotional abuse and physical abuse and everyone's situation is unique to them. It's hard to give advice as I would never say stay if there was a chance that someone could get hurt more than they have already... even though in my situation I chose to stay and I'm hopeful that things are improving (with the interventions of professionals).
I always try and imagine the advice I would give to a friend. It's hard to see the woods for the trees sometimes and when you are in an abusive relationship your self esteem is often so low that you doubt yourself, your feelings, your sanity constantly. Sending hugs. Just know that you WILL get through this even though i know that right now it all seems impossible. Sorry I don't have much constructive advice. It's hard to say much as I don't know the details of your situation. But I know how destructive emotional abuse is and I know how hard it is to get through xx

In similar situation. Trying to hack it out as most important exams looming for youngest. Only reason I'm even slightly coping is my kids are all older teens and are standing up to him having exposed his long term affair. I also don't see why the abused has to flee but it seems to be very difficult to get an abuser out of the home. I hope you find an answer.