When internet dating, do you like to...

[TimeForPlentyIn2020]

...chat on the phone with them before meeting?

I have been in touch with a guy online dating, and he has just asked if I would like to chat on the phone, and my honest answer? I’d rather boil my head! Been on dates with about 5 guys and this is the first one who has suggested talking before meeting up!

Now, I am a very chatty gregarious person, but I think the phone tells you very little about a person... I want to see what he SMELLS like

Am I normal?

it's really awkward talking to someone when you can't see how they're reacting

This! Thank you so much! I was trying to fathom why, given that I am a good chatter, that I find phone conversations so awkward!

I always wanted to talk on the phone before meeting! You can learn so much about someone. There were quite a few I talked to and then decided not to meet ... and then some who didn't want to chat who I went on to meet who would've been eliminated earlier 😂😂

Most of my job is talking on the phone so I'm completely comfortable with it ....

When I was fairly new to OLD a guy I was chatting to asked for a phone call so I let him and it was a bit awkward but ok and made me feel more relaxed about our first date.

Another guy suggested a phone call and I agreed and he had the best cockney accent and we chatted for an hour. Still going strong 7 months later

So although i wouldn't suggest or ask for a phone call before meeting, I wouldn't refuse one if asked either.

I think some men feel it's a nice thing to offer to help put the woman at ease that they are 'real' and not wasting their time or likely to stand them up.

It is a good idea to weed out the joe pasquales

There's pros and cons. My last two dates I chatted on the phone. I like a deep manly voice and neither of them do so I was a bit disappointed, but the conversation flowed so I knew the date would be ok.

Thinking about it, I’ve failed every phone interview I’ve had! Not that I care really. I think an initial phone call is a bit cheapskate, even if it’s just coffee it’s nice to get out and meet people properly, body language, height, smell and all! Plus you see their manners.

For OLD then yes I like to have a chat.
I was planning to meet up with one guy and spoke to him and cancelled.
You could tell he smoked about 40 fags a day - no thank you (and I smoke!!!)
But you don't have to.
As long as you meet early on and don't text for weeks on end.

I'd say that it depends on whether you enjoy dating for its own sake, or would rather do it only with a view to meeting someone to get into a relationship with.

If you don't mind wasting the odd evening meeting a guy who sounds like Jimmy Saville (been there!) or who says 'like' every other word, then it's fine. You've had a good evening, not got on, no problem. But if you have to move heaven and earth to get out for a date, book a babysitter etc, you don't really want to waste the time if he's got a stupid voice, talks like a baby or can't pronounce his 'r's (unless you like any of these things, of course, in which case crack on).

Mmm not sure. Had two men who turned the call into an attempt at phone sex
Gross

Omg I cannot explain to you how much you can tell from someone by talking on the phone. I've sacked many a date off after talking to them. On the other hand I very only had one bloke where we ended up talking for nearly 2 hours but when I met him there was nothing there, but that was mainly because he had grown a huge bushy beard and I didnt like his hands .
Other than that everyone I've got on with over the phone I have ended up having a few dates with.
I'd definitely recommend it.

I think it’s weird not to. I would never meet up with someone I hadn’t spoken to on the phone first.

Mmm not sure. Had two men who turned the call into an attempt at phone sex

Then surely it's best that you find out they're THAT kind of bloke before you even meet them? Far easier to slam the phone down on a sex pest than to have to walk out of a pub because of wandering hands.

But if a guy meets up, he's putting more effort in and is far less likely to get handsy or whatnot in public? Whereas bloke on the phone has nothing invested so can just try on the sex-talk.

I hate talking on the phone. I have quite a deep voice for a woman, and a not particularly attractive accent, so I think it could put a man off me before I'd even had a chance to make a good impression. Plus, I rely a lot on body language and visual cues in conversation. I really dislike the awkward pauses and inadvertent interruptions that come from not being able to see the other person and knowing when they've finished what they were saying. I would probably come across like the guy a pp mentioned who blathered on about himself, through nerves and a desire to fill the silence.

Absolutely not. I always wanted minimal emotional and mental expenditure before meeting for a date. That way, if it's a crap date you just move on without a backwards glance. It worked so much better for me when I took that approach.

Do their photos look ok?

Can they maintain a simple conversation via the app?

If yes, proceed to date. Make your judgement there.

I do like a chat on the phone before meeting and if they didn’t want to have one I probably wouldn’t meet them irl.

It's all a matter of taste, isn't it? If you're happy chatting on the phone, then screening dates by phone seems a good tactic. If you bloody hate phonecalls, it seems like an unnecessary unpleasant hurdle.

There's no right or wrong to it really. If the other person wants a phonecall and that's important to them, but you don't want to - it doesn't mean you have to. They can decide either go straight to meet as per your preference, or decide to give it a miss. And vice versa. No harm, no foul.

I used to find that the ones that wanted a phone call were the ones that would try for phone sex (and probably never intended to even turn up for the date). If I asked if we could talk on the phone first, it was different.

And I used it to weed out the guys who's use of basic spoken English was barely past the 'grunt and fuck' stage. Quite a lot of men have someone who will read over their messages or have grammar and spellcheck enabled, so you don't find out until you meet them that they grunt and fuck.

Life is too short for the grunters and fuckers. Unless you like that, of course.

I chatted on the phone twice with a guy and you could tell he was a right weirdo so I never met him.

Heatherjayne1972 Wed 11-Mar-20 18:41:14
Mmm not sure. Had two men who turned the call into an attempt at phone sex
Gross
.......
Gross indeed. It shows how wise it is to have a telephone call, you knew to bin the two men before going to the trouble of meeting them.

I don't like the phone at all. I always say this if people suggest it before a date. 3 men have been fairly insistent. I have spoken to them and then decided in each case that I didn't want to meet them! I thought it was much more false and weird that just meeting someone face to face for the first time.

I quite like messaging a little bit so I can work out if someone has a sense of humour or anything in common with me. Other than that, I like to meet fairly soon and then decide on that meeting whether I want to continue