Friends are full of compliments about others but never about me

[BlueSpotty]

I know we shouldn't expect validation from others etc etc but this really upsets me.

All of my friends are full of absolutely gushing compliments about others but never say anything nice to me, even when I've done things like lost 4 stone in weight.

I met up with two friends last week and they spent the whole time complimenting each other and asking each other about themselves but neither of them said anything nice to/about me whilst I was there, or asked me anything about me or my life. I think I'm often just used as a spare prop to join in with complimenting others or ask others about themselves. They also spent the time making gushing comments about other mutual friends.

Does anyone else have a similar problem? Like I said, I know we shouldn't use others to bolster our self esteem, and believe me I definitely don't want to constantly talk about myself and nothing else but occasionally it would be nice if someone asked how I am or gave me a compliment.

I'd be interested in knowing why you see such boring, vacuous pieces of empty human driftwood floating on the surface of your existence as your friends?

OP i don't think these women think of you as a friend at all.

They sound horrible. Until quite recently, I had a friend like this. She's not my friend any longer!

Seriously, life is too short. Find nicer, kinder people to hang out with.

Yep. I had this with a group of friends. I felt like a spare part! I don’t see them anymore. Find friends who are interested in you and who boost you up

I'd say that most friends I have are like this; either that or they are totally needy and self absorbed and our friendships are based on me helping them or listening to their hours of self absorbed talk.

I agree, I need new mates!

These people are not your friends. BTW are your parents themselves similar in nature to them?. I ask only as if this is the case you are repeating a familiar pattern from childhood. Read too about people pleasing behaviour.

You need a new circle of friends.

You really do need new friends! They are quite aware of what they're doing, OP. And as for your weight loss - I imagine there's a sense of you being cast as the "fat friend" and now they are uncomfortable that you have moved out of the setting they gave you. They won't congratulate you because they want you to be back in that slot.

I will congratulate you, though! What a huge effort for you to make - massive congratulations on making that change in your life.

Yes I have a friend like this. I cannot get a word in and feel as though I'm just a sounding board. She will ask how I am but then just talks about herself.

I can't stop seeing her completely as she lives near me and children are at the same school.

However I now avoid her as much as possible. I have other friends who don't do this to me - I don't think it's you - they do sound self absorbed.

I don't think my parents ever had a good word to say at/about me, and I've never received praise in life anywhere even when I've been good at anything.

The other thing is, I can never 'get away with' anything. For example if I put a photo of myself on FB for a new profile pic I get so called friends commenting on things and being critical whilst on other friends photos they just comment and day wow, beautiful.

I have just very recently bought myself an expensive handbag I've been lusting after forever and one of my so called friends said to me that I 'can't get away with a designer bag' but that our friend X has one but 'SHE can get away with it'

They don't sound like they are your friends. Sounds like they have you around to make themselves feel better.
Ditch the bitches and find some new friends.

Are they jealous of you op. Are you wealthier and fantastically beautiful? No excuse of course. They sound like bitches. I would ditch and get some
Counselling.

Time for new friends.

They actually sound quite jealous of you. I think the weight loss (congratulations by the way), and being able to buy yourself your new bag (I too am a bag luster), probably means they are quite envious. As I said earlier, new friends required.

It's verging on bullying if they're posting hurtful comments about your appearance on line. Distance yourself, you're worth more than this. Friends should make you feel good about yourself, you should feel relaxed and liked in their company.
Congratulations on your weight loss (and new bag)!

These people are horrible.
I had a group of "friends" like this. Gushing towards each other and each others experiences.
Meeting on the nights I couldnt etc.
When I separated from my h and was feeling down I thought they were helpful but actually they weren't, they were just looking for gossip.
One of them then asked a male friend of mine if he was now in my pants. Wtf!! Toxic.
I'm looking forward to moving away from them and having nothing to do with them.
These people do not deserve your friendship. Surround yourself with nicer supportive, positive people. Your circle will be smaller but you will feel better overall.

Why are you spending one second of your precious life, in the company of these self absorbed wasters . Life is too short is a saying , but it’s more than that , it’s the gods honest truth .
Think about what you are interested in , photography , walking , reading ? Once you’ve decided , look up clubs in your area . You seriously need a complete new circle of friends . Ditch the bitches

That doesn’t sound very nice at all. I think virtually everyone will agree that the below are objective assessments,

Making critical comments on your fb photos = fucking rude and not ok

Telling you that you can’t pull off the new bag that you bought = fucking rude and not ok

Then pointing out that another friend CAN get away with it = off the scale

Seriously, who are these monsters?!?!

They sound horrible OP. The very definition of frenemies.

Work on expanding your social circle and move on from these absolute wankers.

Ive had the same op with a group of friends. They gush all over each other and what they are wearing and how amazing each other looks but never compliments me ever!

I'm fairly confident there's nothing wrong with you!

I reckon its either:

a) they're jealous of you

b) you come across as confident and not in need of constant reassurance/praise

I had this with an ex friend. Couldn’t be bothered with her nastiness and just let her get on with it in the end.

1. They’re not polite
2. Do you think you need help with your look ?

Crap like this can be useful to identify people not to spend time with!