I HATE MY HUSBAND SO MUCH - SO WHY DO I LOVE HIM

[sadmom]

I am a regulare poster just changed my name as i don't want my sil's knowing it's me.

Basically dh has been out of work for a year now he gets jobs then makes an excuse and leaves then just sits on the pc - he's brillant with ds but all i want is for him work.

So today we had another row about him not working and he stormed saying shouting i'm trying to control him...

so i phone him an apologise what for i don't know and for the last 1hr we've been arguing and talking over the phone - we owe so many different bills but he's not bothered if there refered to debt collection agenceys.

And the worst thing i hate lying to my family as he insists i tell them he's working on and off and his family have no idea that the golden boy is just a pig.

He is so affection to me and i do love but i hate him at the same time.

He's on his way back now but i can't carry on as normal this keeps happening and it's tearing me apart.

If you've got this far thanks for reading

Sadmom so sorry to hear that.

I went through similar emotions with my DH not long ago for different reasons. We had major showdown (had been building up over some time) and the result is great now but it took some serious talking on my part with ultimatums and no bluffing. As I had stopped shouting and was calmly and cooly telling I'd had enough he finally got the message and did something about it. In a nutshell - I told him I still loved him but didn't want to live with him anymore under the circumstances - and I meant it.

I don't know whether you're that far in your thinking - and I don't know whether spouting all this to you helps at all.

Just to let you someone's listening.

How would you both feel about you working? Or both working part time? (apologies if you do already work). Would he be happy staying at home with ds?

hi sadmom, reading your message sounded like your dh needs a real confidence boost. he probably feels useless and worthless. you know what men are like - they need to FEEL like they are ruling the roost (even thought they're not!).
he may feel less of a man/husband/father because of his insecurity of not being able to find suitable work. At least he is affectionate. that's a good sign. i know it must be hell for you but its probably far worse for him. until that job comes along, i think you should trust him and encourage him as much as possible and make him feel like that loving affectionate man he is. he is embarassed about his and your family knowing his situation. i hope things get better for you.